Guy walks into a Bar

Guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender looks up and says "Where did you get that ape?" Guy says, "This isn't an ape, it's a duck". Bartender says "I was TALKING to the duck".

If the man had walked into this bar in Minnesota, having crossed over from North Dakota, he could be arrested. It is illegal in Minnesota to cross state lines with a Duck on top of your head.

Such an event recently took place in the City of Moorhead, Minnesota, and gave this small city more publicity then it could handle.

Moorehead is across the Red River of the North from the City of Fargo, North Dakota. One of Fargo's more colorful residents is Thane Gustaffson. Gustaffson was a fairly amiable person, who in 1969, when he was 18 and of draft age, started to walk around with a Duck on his head.

Although that Duck is long gone, and there is no draft and Thane is nearing 60, he rarely leaves his home without a Duck on his head. In more than 40 years Thane has also not left North Dakota. All things changed on May 5, 2009. For on May 5, 2009, Thane crossed The Stillwater Lift Bridge over The Red River of the North into Moorhead.

He entered Red Erickson's Bar in Moorhead, where he was arrested by Sergeant Hank Blumenthal of the Moorhead police. Since this was the first such violation of this law in history, Blumenthal didn't realize what he was in for.

Blumenthal was a Tenth Amendment Advocate. He felt that this was the ideal case to show up those Left Wing Judges who legislate from the bench.

However he miscalculated, the case was immediately moved to The Federal District Court based upon the interstate commerce clause. There it was dismissed, not on it's merits, but based upon the fact that the law clearly was contradictory to Federal Regulation, that would allow Gustaffson to cross State line with a Duck on his head.

District Attorney Carol Super then decided to drop the case. Blumenthal then called the local branch of The Tea Party Movement, to protest what he believed was a violation of the Tenth Amendment.

Five Hundred Tea Partiers came from all over the country carrying signs. Cosmo Miranda of New York carried a sign the read "Teech the Bibel." Florence Winston of Kansas carried a sign, "Keap Mariage sacred. Between a Man and Women." Of all the signs, not one referred to the Tenth Amendment.

After two days the protesters left. During that time the hotels, store, restaurants and bars did more business then they had in the past two years.

The night that they left, Red Erickson placed a telephone call. "Your plan worked. I don't have to close down. They fell right into our hands. Thane, I have to tell you that it's great to have you for a cousin. What are you going to do now?"

"It seems that there is a law in Alabama, that it is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. My Brother in law, Billy Bob, can use some help in his bait shop." Thane said worth a chuckle.

Talky Sarah

Talky Sarah, a doll that does everything, a lifelike creation of plastic and springs and painted smile. To Senator John McCain, she was a most unwelcome addition to his household, but without her he'd never enter the Twilight Zone. ”

It's The Republican Convention and the Fundamentalists are excited about their new present. As they arrive at the convention they are instructed to run inside and see their new doll, not to show it to the the Senator. However, the The Fundamentalists are stopped by The Senator, as they enter the arena. They are is eager to show off her new present, a talking doll called "Talky Sarah", which repeats "My name is Talky Sarah, and I love you very much!" McCain demands to know how much it will cost him in lost votes. The Fundamentalist leader responds that they have wanted this doll for months and that she charged it. The Senator angrily states that The Fundamentalists do not need another doll. The Fundamentalists flee the room, leaving Talky Sarah behind.

The Senator examines the doll. He hears it say "I don't think I like you", and throws it across the room. The Fundamentalist leader re-enters, and we learn that The Senator doesn't really want Sarah as his running mate and is bitter because he cannot choose his own; further, that it was The Fundamentalist leader who insisted upon "Talky Sarah."

At the dinner table, The Leader coaches Sarah. The Senator becomes annoyed, and The Leader declares that Sarah is good for the Nation it gives them someone to look at. The Senator catches the doll winking at him, while the others are looking elsewhere at the table.

"My name is Talky Sarah, and you'll be sorry"

Left alone with the doll, McCain hears it say "My name is Talky Sarah and I'm beginning to hate you." He replies, "My name is John Mccain, and I don't approve this message. I'm going to get rid of you" Sarah exclaims "You wouldn't dare! The Leader would hate you, and I would hate you." Mccain places a match next to Tina, who gasps. He says "Then you have feelings!" The doll replies "Doesn't everything?"

Finding the doll, The Senator sends it to Charlie Gibson. When The Leader seeks the doll, he tells her he doesn't know where it is. Later, the telephone rings. McCain answers; and hears the voice on the other end says, "My name is Talky Sarah, and I'm going to replace you."

He checks the late night TV and is startled to find Sarah is on with Sean Hannity. He accuses The Leader of teaming up with Fox News to frighten him.

The Leader desperately tries to threaten McCain. The Senator starts to come to the chilling realization that he is not the source of Sarah's taunts. It's something more. Unexplained. Frightening.

Now knowing he must destroy the doll to save his political life, he arranges for the doll to appear with Katie Couric, but her bumbling only endears herself more to the Fundamentalist Leader. He hears the doll mockingly laugh at him.

Realizing he is unable to damage the doll, he coaches the doll for it's big Vice Presidential Debate. As he gives her misinformation, he hears it laugh. He returns to the Senate to find The Fundamentalist Leader planning to back Bob Barr. "Senator, how could you!?" Returning to his Office, he is relieved to see Sarah still there. As he approaches the doll, it says "My name is Talky Sarah, and I don't forgive you!"

Election night, The Senator and Talky Sarah lose. She turns to him and says, "My name is Talky Sarah and I was almost only one 72 year old heartbeat away from being President."

Surprisingly Talky Sarah has now gotten what she wanted. she not only is the symbol of The Fundamentalists. Talky Sarah sets her goals on 2012. She knows she needs more support.

She orders the manufacturer "Make similar dolls to me. We market it as Talky Sarah's Tea Party."