Where there's a will, There's a Lawyer

We are all in similar positions. I’m sure that you’ve asked yourself, “Have I done everything possible to leave my heirs in as comfortable condition as I possible can, and to ensure that I’m as comfortable as possible for the remaineder of my life?”

You should have a few documents prepared to clarify your intentions, and maybe to protect your assets. Keep in mind that I am licensed in New York State, only. What I’m about to advise may differ in other states. Certainly it varies from country to country. This is purely from a “New York State of Mind.” Wherever you are located you should see a qualified Lawyer and ask about the following documents.

1) Health Care Proxy and or Living Will. New York has a statute that gives official state recognition to the health care proxy. This document names an agent for health care issues only. Before choosing an agent, you should make it clear to that agent, exactly what your intentions are regarding end of life decisions. You should further make sure that this agent is capable of following your instructions.

This is a simple document to prepare and administer. Without it, you have no guarantee that your wishes will be followed. Or you will not become a Political Volleyball.

2) Durable Power of Attorney. This document gives your agent the power to see
over your assets, if you are incapable of doing so. The word durable means that it survives incompetency. This could mean the difference between using your money to take care of yourself, or paying an Attorney to have the courts name a conservator over your assets. .

3) Will and or Trust. Whereas the Power of Attorney directs your assets while alive, the will controls them upon your death. Without a will the state will determine through their intestacy laws, who is entitled to your assets.

Many advisers recommend a trust in addition to a will. I don’t believe that it is a panacea for all issues. When do I recommend a trust? (I’m speaking solely about revocable trust. Irrevocable trusts are sometimes an effective estate planning tool for Medicaid planning, but I’ll leave that for another time.)

A) You’re not sure who your heirs are. How is that possible? I once probated the will of a man, who was raised in an orphanage, his wife had predeceased him and he had no children. He left everything to his wife’s nieces and nephews. In NY State, and I’m sure in many other states, the people adversely affected by a will, the closest blood relatives, must be noticed. We had to hire a genealogist to go back to the turn of the 20th Century, to find out who these people were. It cost over five figures.

B) You don’t want to leave anything to a child. This unfortunately happens. Since that child has to be given notice of a probate, it’s not inconceivable that he or she may fight the will. A trust, which isn’t probated, avoids this issue.

C) You’re rich and famous and you want privacy. Once a will has gone to probate anybody can see it.

D) It’s necessary that your heirs get immediate access to your assets. A probate can take some time, but is not as bad as people believe.

Keep in mind that a trust takes two steps, 1) Execution and 2) Funding. Unless you change the title of your assets to the trustee as trustee, the trust is no more valuable than an empty box.


This is a basic outline. You should see a qualified elder law attorney. Don’t go to just any lawyer. Go to a Lawyer experienced with estate planning. Remember a little knowledge can be dangerous. If you don’t know an elder law attorney contact The National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA). They’ll be happy to steer you in the right direction.

Origin of the Species

Origin of The Species

A group of world renowned Anthropologists and Archaeologists recently met to ponder the question, "Where did the Neocons come from?" The question arose when Swedish Archaeologist, Edgar Johanssen, on a dig in Cos Cob, Connecticut, unearthed a pink sweater in the vicinity of a pair of penny loafer shoes and an izod shirt. Carbon Dating estimates that these items of clothing are from the year 1981. This predates the generally accepted date of the founding of the Neocon movement by about ten years.

"This is Conclusive proof that the modern day Neocon evolved from the lower New England Yuppie." said Johanson.

"Hogwash!" said Neoconservative Matriarch, Anne Coulter. "There is no proof to the theory of Evolution. It is well established fact Irving Kristol created the movement in six days. Read the Gospel according to the prophet Rush. Furthermore, I know of no reason why Neoconservatism cannot be taught in the schools as a contradictory argument to History and Economics."

When asked for an explanation of why the sweater, shirt and the penny loafers mean that the Neocons evolved from the Yuppies, Johansson explained that similar articles of clothing were found "in Wyoming and Crawford, Texas. These are areas that the Neocons were known to thrive."

It is believed that the Neocons began as a warring, nomadic group of young white Conservatives who were pushed out of Cos Cob and migrated to points south and west. During the migration their diet evolved from Perrier water and lobster to grits, bacon and Schlitz Beer.

The Migration was not without incident. Neocons, a violent group, have been known to shoot each other in the face, with their ever present weaponry.

It is also not unusual for a Neocon to turn on one another when they feel that their Leader has been shown disrespect.

"In conclusion,: Johannson said, "if you happen to see a Neocon stay away. They can be rabid. If bitten or scratched, go immediately to the nearest hospital, and hope that they accept your insurance."

Impeach the President

The New York Post
January 25, 2011
BY: Muck Racker

It started out as a story on Glen Beck's show on Fox. "It's time that we patriots, exercised our strength. The Constitution should be strictly construed. This is precisely what our forefathers had in mind when the used the term 'misdemeanors.'"

A few days later, Rush Limbaugh expanded on the story, "My friends. the power given to me from God tells me that by the end of 2011, the President will be John Boehner. Never before has there been such a corrupt Administration. A President who covers up his wife's involvement in a crime and a Vice President who covers up his complicity in a murder. I have it on good authority that the House will act quickly to impeach first Biden and then Obama. This will leave the Country, finally, in the capable hands of President John Boehner."

The speculation was laughed at by Keith Olberrman in his penultimate broadcast on MSNBC. "For tonights broadcast, I will officially name Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh in a dead tie for the all time 'worst persons in the world.' They have called for the impeachment of both the President and The Vice President, for issues that are not only not impeachable, their not crimes or infractions. Rush, Glen when will you learn, the people elect the President. Not you!" The next day Olberrman was fired. It is widely speculated that his dismissal is as a result of his cavalier attitude towards this national crisis.

Then suddenly the issue started to get some serious support on the floor of the House. Representative Michele Bachman, Republican from Minnesota, introduced a bill for the joint impeachment on President Obama and Vice President Biden.

In a special broadcast of the Sean Hannity show, Rep. Bachman, said, "America has lost it's respect around the world. How long could Vice President Biden cover up his involvement in murder of Lana Clarkson by Phil Spector. I have this picture of the three of them, together, shortly before the murder, signed by the Vice President with the salutation, 'Baby, it's you.' Now, I ask you Sean, what else could that possibly mean, then some sick threat to this poor unfortunate woman?"

Another guest of the show, Ann Coulter, then revealed the evidence against the President. "Sean, we have it on good authority that the First Lady, violently removed a tag from a Mattress in the Lincoln Bedroom. Furthermore, she told the President about this misdemeanor who just laughed it off. Liberals always show a lack of respect for our laws."

It is unknown at this time if the President is rewriting the State of the Union to address these serious allegations.

The Man without an Afterlife

"The day of the Rapture is upon us" Harvey said to his wife upon wakening. He realized this by the strange color of the sky.

He felt that he had nothing to worry about, after all, he and Betty had led good lives. Surely those fundamentalists could not be right. There had to be a place for the Jews in Heaven. So they followed the crowd and boarded the SST. That was strange. "Why would God need an SST?" When the stewardess spoke, he knew that he was in trouble.

"Please buckle your seatbelts as we prepare for takeoff on your flight to Enron Heaven. To some of you, this will be a stopover to other destinations. Don’t worry about your luggage, it won’t be needed in either place."

"Enron Heaven, my God, have they sold the naming rights to Heaven?" Harvey asked.

"Yes, a short time ago, God took Heaven public," explained the stewardess, "then just last week, Henry Ford was able to accumulate enough shares in a hostile takeover to force God out."

"Henry Ford, Betty we don’t stand a chance!"

"And what about God?" Henry asked , "What happened to him?"

" I understand that he was treated very well. He left with an enormous Golden Parachute."

"This is your pilot, Major Charles Lindbergh, speaking." A voice said from above.

The pilot went through the normal flight speech, but Harvey could hear nothing, all he kept thinking was Henry Ford and Charles Lindbergh. Could it be any worse?

As they landed in Father Coughlin airport in Enron Heaven, they were immediately led to a room with a Jewish star on the door. The room was crowded, but he did recognize a few people. "Betty look, that’s Groucho Marx, talking to Hank Greenberg." At that moment a man approached a microphone.

"As you are aware, our leader, Mr. Ford, has commenced cleaning up the methods of the prior management. Therefore, we feel that the people in this room would be happier in a warmer climate."

With that all of the occupants of the room were led to another Jet. Just as Harvey was about to ask what this new destination was. He was handed a brochure. Hades- 2008. The cover said escape from the boring drudgeries of Heaven. Spend your next vacation in Hell.

It didn’t sound too bad. Harvey looked through the brochure for a Hotel room. There were four hotels that stood out, The Hades Hilton, The River Styx Ramada, Damien’s Diplomat and Satan’s Sheraton. He decided that they would try the Hades Hilton.

They arrived at the front desk. "What can I do for you?" Asked the clerk.

"My name is Shapiro, I’d like a room."

"I’m sorry there isn’t a room in the hotel. For that matter, I understand that hell is completely booked."

"Wait a minute, I just heard that woman on the telephone, say that there are plenty of rooms."

"I think that you should leave."

Harvey realized, what had happened. Hell was restricted. He was a man without an afterlife,

They left the HIlton. Not knowing where to go they took the bus to Purgatory.

When the bus arrived at Purgatory, they immediately took notice of how lush the landscape was. They asked the first person that they saw for an explanation. He explained "This was once a barren desert. After we were chased from Heaven and not allowed in Hell, we settled here to make this our homeland. We have taken a desert and made it into an oasis."

You've got to follow that Dream wherever that Dream may lead

Even as a child he had the same ambition. He wanted to be a Lawyer. He wanted to wear his thousand dollar suits and argue in front of the Supreme Court. It was not to be, they had met when he was young. She got pregnant, they got married. He went to Law School. Graduated in the lower half of his class. Got a desk job, where he would sit for the next thirty years. His dream of arguing would remain a dream.

She was so lovely when they were young, that it often disguised her lack of charm. A thought never entered her head that didn’t find an egress through her mouth. Still other times, it appeared as if she didn’t know what she would say until she heard it come out of her mouth.

She was never satisfied with him. She dreamed of marrying the success that lived in his fantasy. She wanted to see her husband perfectly attired in a suit that fit like a glove. That wasn’t him. At least they were consistent, he also was never satisfied with him.

As unhappy as they were. Others believed that they made a perfect couple. He, the shallow, daydreaming slob. She the self absorbed, condescending, onetime beauty queen.

Boy could they fight. They’d argue over money and health, like all couples. But they’d also argue about nothing, just for the sake of arguing.

He still daydreamed about the Supreme Court. If he would never make his argument, at least he could see it in session. They were going to make a trip to Washington. The Court would be part of the agenda.

As they approached the Courthouse, they saw the Attorneys enter. They were dressed elegantly in their expensive attire. “Why couldn’t I have married one of them?” She asked, Instead, look what, I got!”

Through his gritting teeth he said, louder then he had realized, “Don’t start, not here.”

She didn’t care where or how load, as she bellowed, “I’ll speak anyway that I damn please.”

A third, unknown male voice chimed in, “No you won’t speak anyway you damn please. Not here.”

Just as that third voice finished his statement, the husband’s fist connected with his jaw, and he said, “Nobody speaks to my wife that way.”

The Capital Police pounced on him immediately. It was then that he realized what he had done. He had lived his dream by arguing in front of the Supreme Court, but at the same time had knocked out Justice Scalia, with one punch.

Later that week, when visiting him in Federal Prison, she realized that her dream was also fulfilled. His Orange jumpsuit fit like a glove.

The Land of Guilt and Money

The story of Exodus tells how Moses leads the Israelites out of Egypt and through the wilderness to the Mountain of God Sinai. There God, through Moses, gives the Israelites their laws and enters into a covenant with them, by which he will give them the land of Canaan in return for their faithfulness. The book ends with the construction of the Tabernacle.

According to tradition, Exodus and the other four books of the Torah were written by Moses in the latter half of the 2nd millennium BC. What if Moses, fictionalized some of the facts. What if it wasn’t the Sinai Desert that the Children of Israel walked through, what if it was New England.

Archeological evidence was just found that raises questions of the traditional story of Exodus. The evidence began with the finding of an ancient Chinese Restaurant along the shores of The Housitonic River. It is now believed that the Children of Israel, should be called the Kids from the Hood. For the beginning point was not Egypt, but Maine and their final destination was not Israel, but Manhattan.

An unnamed Pharaoh, fearful of the Israelites' numbers, orders his people to throw all newborn Hebrew (Israelite) boys into the Gulf of Maine. Many of the young men come out of the water with an interesting looking Crustacean. They call if a Lobstein, (the name was later shortened on Ellis Island to Lobster). The Jewish mothers, as was their tradition, with all food, boil the creature.

A Portland woman saves her baby by setting him adrift in the bathtub, where he is protected by the Whitefish she planned to serve that weekend. Pharaoh's daughter finds the child, and the Whitefish. Keeps the child, and brings him up as her own. Throws out the Whitefish, (Too many bones).

But the child, Moses is aware of his Hebrew origins, and one day, when grown, guilts an overseer who is eating a roast beef on white with mayonnaise. Moses is forced to flee into Kennebunkport, where while he was herding the flocks of his father-in-law George H. W., Moses encounters God, and God tells him to return to Portland and lead the Israelites into(Manhattan) the land promised to Abraham.

On Moses' return to Portland, God instructs him to appear before Pharaoh and inform him of God's demand that he let God's people go. Moses and his brother Aaron do so, but Pharaoh refuses. God causes a series of 10 plagues; 1)Chutzpah; 2) Dreck 3) Putz; 4) Kvetch; 5) Schmuck; 6) Mamzer; 7) Meshuggenner; 8) Nudnick; 9) Shlub and 10) Tsuris. But Pharaoh does not relent. God instructs Moses to institute the Passover sacrifice among the Israelites, but they don’t know to boil the Lobsteins, and all the children have to miss school because of Lobstein bites and stomach aches. Pharaoh agrees to let the Israelites go. Moses explains the meaning of the Passover: it is for Israel's salvation from Maine, so that the Israelites will not be required to do their own Lobsteining, but to buy them at the local Restaurant.

The Exodus begins. The Israelites, 600,000 men plus women and children and a mixed multitude, with their flocks and herds, set out for the mountain of God, located near the former site of Grossinger’s Hotel in the Catskill Mountains..

Pharaoh pursues the Israelites, and God destroys Pharaoh's army at the crossing of the Housitonic. The Israelites continue their journey, but immediately begin to complain of the hardships. In the Wilderness of Sin they complain about the lack of food and speak with longing of Maine, and God sends them Lobstein. At Bridgeport he provides water miraculously from a rock. The Local gangs of Bridgeport attack the Israelites and steal their water.

The Israelites arrive at the mountain of God. God asks whether they will agree to be his people, and the people accept. The people gather at the foot of the mountain, and are entertained by Shecky Greene while Moses and God take a schvitz together.

Moses goes up the mountain into the presence of God, who pronounces the Covenant Code, (a detailed code of ritual and civil law), and promises Manhattan to the Israelites if they obey.
Moses descends and writes down God's words and the people agree to keep them but something is lost in the translation, and the commandments appear as follows:

1) Thou shalt not have your sandwiches on White Bread.
2) Thou shalt not go into business with thy father;
3) Thou shalt call thy mother daily;
4) Thou shalt know all the Sports Statistics, except Nascar;
5) Thou shalt always answer a question, with a question;
6) Thou shalt never watch Fox News;
7) Thou should let your mother suffer, after all that’s what she really wants;
8) Thou shalt clean your plate, it’s good for you;
9) Thou shalt put on your mittens, because your mother is cold;
10) Thou shalt always know where to find great Chinese food.

Moses ultimately reaches Manhattan, but can’t enter. He forgot to refill his easy pass. God brings him to the Triboro Bridge to show him the land of Guilt and Money.

Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Daughter

And she said "Great, get the divorce", but it turns out, in New York state, they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery, and it's weird, because the ten commandments say "Thou shalt not commit adultery", but New York state says you have to. Well, finally, what happened was, my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have.

Woody Allen

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is no longer the law in New York State, but suppose for a minute that marriages were run like Baseball, a conversation between women on the street might go something like this:

Mrs. Cohen: Good morning Mrs. Levy, I was sorry to hear about Mr. Levy.

Mrs Levy: Well, I put him on the 15 day disabled list so I could bring up a replacement from Pawtucket.

Mrs. Cohen: I was hearing trade rumors is any of that true?

Mrs. Levy: Mrs Schwartz had offered me her husband and a station wagon for Mr. Levy. If I decide to trade, I think that I can get more by shopping him around. Mrs. Goldberg is always looking to swap.

Mrs. Cohen: But, Mr. Goldberg is a free agent at the end of this season. If you trade for him you might have to go for a rookie in the off season. He also has that terrible contract that states that wherever he is traded the dog must go with him.

Mrs. Levy: No wonder Mrs. Goldberg is looking for a trade.

Mrs. Cohen: Why would you want to trade Mr. Levy anyway?

Mrs. Levy: He keeps missing signals. Last week for instance, I gave him the take sign, figuring he'd walk, steal second and third and we'd try to score on the squeeze play.

Mrs. Cohen: Oh, I love the squeeze play, so what happened?

Mrs. Levy: He swung for the fences and missed! Before I knew it he was in the clubhouse having a sandwich. So the next night I batted myself.

Mrs. Cohen: I saw the box score. That seemed to work out well.

Mrs. Levy: You'd think so. The next thing I knew I was hearing from his agent. It seems his contract has a bonus clause in it if he gets more than 200 at bats any season. He accused me of an unfair labor tactic. He threatened to demand a trade. Then he goes out and pulls a muscle. That along with the blister, I had no choice, but to put him on the disabled list.

Mrs. Cohen: How'd he get hurt?

Mrs. Levy: He was taking extra batting practice.

Mrs. Cohen: Are you interested in Mr. Cohen?

Mrs. Levy: I might be, are you interested in trading?

Mrs. Cohen: I'm always willing to listen to offers.

Mrs. Levy: I can't take Mr. Cohen straight up for Mr. Levy. Mr. Cohen is much older and he's a free agent at the end of next year. There have always been those rumors of him wanting to play for Mrs. Brown.

Mrs. Cohen: Maybe we can work out a three way deal.

Mrs. Levy: I might be interested, but Mrs. Brown would have to throw in her daughter.

Mrs. Cohen: Well, Mrs. Brown does have a lovely daughter!

Wizard of Oz 2011

MGM has just announced its intentions to remake the Wizard of Oz. Sarah Palin as Dorothy looking for her Nome. Christine O'Donnell, since she is not a witch, as the Scarecrow, searching for her Brains. Dick Cheney as the Tin woodsman, searching for his heat, Harry Reid and the Cowardly Lion. with special appearances by Michelle Bachmann as the wicked witch of the west and Rush Limbaugh as the Wizard. This time the Balloon can't get off of the ground.