Palin the queen of the right

The Presidential Campaign songs are starting to get airplay. To the Tune of Lydia the Tattoo Lady, here is Palin The Queen of the Right.

Oh Palin, Oh Palin
Now have you met Palin
Palin the Queen of the Right
Oh the red-necks so adore her
but they wish the Press would ignore her

Oh Palin, Oh Palin
Now have you met Palin
Palin the queen of the right
From her home can be seen the former USSR
With the Pipeline she wants, she can fill up her car
She thinks that Russia is still ruled by the Tsar
Oh you can learn a lot from Palin

There's a Polar Bear walking over the Tundra
Hes endangered so don't shoot him and blunder
She would change that is she could have her way
And also tell everyone how to pray
She has her own view of the world from a long time gone
That man lived side by side with the Masterdon
And she won't approve sex if a condoms on

Oh Palin, Oh Palin, now have you met Palin
Palin the queen of them all
She approves of the Bush Doctrine, though it's never been read
The names of Court cases have clear left her head
And from the air she can shoot a Wolf til its dead!
You can learn a lot from Palin!

Palin, oh Palin, have you met Palin, the queen of the right!
She once even suggested the banning a book,
The Librarian countered with a quizzical look.
So then the old girl knew how little it took,
For she was fired then by Palin

The House is a Louse

We are gajillions in debt...
From Congressional misuse,
So I’ll tell you the story,
And I won’t think you obtuse...
about an Elephant and a donkey...
and a house with a dome...
that, oddly enough,
these creatures call home.
But that comes later
In my rhythmic tome.

On the River that forms
At the Anacostia Mouth,
a city was formed...
just north of the south.

It's a City that's called home
To shirts that are stuffed...
Some on the right and some on the left
Should be taken and cuffed,


About marriage and bridges,
They feel they should dabble...
But to a frustrated nation
It’s all Psychobabble.


So on the River Potomac
at the mouths
of two roaring rivers,
Anacostia and Connogochegue...
Are the nation’s lawgivers...

Those who live in this City
Who call this place home,
Can’t even vote
For the occupants of the Dome,

A beautiful city
That blossoms and blooms...
But when Asses meet Pachyderms
The result is pure gloom


Here the men and the women,
Who work in this house,
Are very concerned,
That we have the right spouse,



And in the old house
They know that it’s best
For a woman to mother,
A child whose dad
Is also his brother.


So we must remember
When we elect these strange creatures,
That their job description
Is morality preachers.


They meet in the house...
With no money to spare...
giving breaks to big oil...
cause they truly care

So where is the spare money?
Surely we should know
It’s’ taken from the old and the schools,
But you get what you pay for
When trusting Elephants and Mules

Coulter the Vulture

With Apologies to Dr. Seuss!

Born in the City of New York,
Coulter the Vulture was an out of place dork.
The City had Jews. It had Asians. It had Blacks.
The Buildings were tall. There was nothing it lacks.

The Vultures were waiting, like Lemmings indeed.
For a Queen Vulture to lead them. One full of greed.

They were waiting til Coulter a mieskeyt for sure,
Decided they needed a racist bore.
"I’m Coulter," said she, "and I know what’s best for all.
And, if you don’t listen to me you’re in for a great fall.
With Jews, Asians and Blacks the City is cursed,
I look down on you all from my high and mighty perch.
My butt that I sit on is boney for sure.
I need people to trample on and poor to ignore.
I’ll bring down a President, and disrupt our nation!
And as Queen of the Neo-Cons, I’ll defend my station!"

So Coulter, the Vulture Queen, looked down her nose
And Coulter, The Vulture Queen, spouted her prose.
She said that those who lost mates to terrorism were harpies
And sycophants like Hannity fell in lock-step like Lackeys.
She should have lost all credibility as you can see
However, she’ll always have a forum on Fox and WABC.
And the Coulter spoke up. She shouted her bile.
I’ll slander the Jews! And Liberals are vile!

"All Listen!" yelled Coulter. "You better move to the right!
I’m Queen of the Vultures! And I alone have seen the light!
Don’t Listen to Clinton! Don’t vote for Al Gore,
John Kerry is evil, Bush for emperor could be my Lore!
I’m Coulter the Vulture! Only I know what’s best!
For I am the brightest, better than the rest!

And all through the Bushdom, she sat there up high
Claiming once and again, "There’s no pollution in the sky!"
Until came 2008, and her ratings were falling.
"What happened?" snapped Coulter.
As she looked down on the rabble.
“ They don’t fall for my babble.
She’s slandered the Jews, Muslims and Poor,
who have I got left to finish my score?
She thought about Hillary, Obama and McCain.
And together they all caused her one giant pain.
My influence is dwindling , said the Queen Vulture.
Where’s Ron Reagan when you need him,
Bedtime for Bonzo was such great Culture!

"Liberals!" she cursed, and then spouted,
"I’m the Great Coulter, our nation will be blighted!"

"They’ve made many mistakes, Like giving Women the Vote.
I’ve conversed with God,
he’s wants me to build a large boat.
I’ll be Queen of the Ark, we’ll leave off the Donkeys.
Instead of two Democrats, we’ll take extra Monkeys."

But Ann had now gone a little too far.
The gate to her brains was clearly ajar.
So Ann Coulter is crazy, finally the masses realized!
As they slowly watched her following sink, her cronies capsized!

And now the great Coulter, the right’s miserable tool
Is Queen of nobody, she’s merely a fool.
And all of the Vultures, must seek a new leader
And hopefully this time, she won’t need a new breeder!

Seeing Me and Shlomo Down by the SHul Yard

The Morty the Mohel took out his blade, and he started the circumcision
When the child found out, he began to shout, “ma please no incision”
It's Talmudic law, it was Talmudic law
Yes the Bubbe swore, it was Talmudic law

The mama came down and passed out the wine and sliced up the bread in sections.
The papa said “oy, that’s my baby boy.
Please, Rabbi, don’t leave an infection.”
Well someone’s gonna pay, It hadn’t started growin'
Someone’s gonna pay, they’re giving me wine, but it tastes too sweet

Goodbye to Esther, the queen of Yeshiva
See you, me and Shlomo down by the Shul yard
See you, me and Shlomo down by the Shul yard

In a couple of days they're gonna take me to pray
But it still hurts when I take a leak
Now they bake without Yeast, every Passover Feast
What holiday is it next week
And I'm gonna pray, I don't know what I'm sayin'
I'm gonna pray, I'm drinkin the wine, and there’s too much to eat,

Goodbye to Esther, the queen of Yeshiva
See you, me and Shlomo down by the Shul yard
See you, me and Shlomo down by the Shul yard
See you, me and Shlomo down by the Shul yard

Conspiracy Theory

There's a lot of spin going on, I told you yesterday, about Al Qaeda plan to release their first full length feature film called, "Weekend at Osama's"

There's also a DJ in Detroit who says if you play his last video backwards, you can hear the works, "I buried Osama."

Witnesses to bin Laden's killing claim to have heard a second shot from a grassy knoll in Dallas. This is being investigated, even though the shooting was in Pakistan.

Oliver Stone is believed to be working on his own theory involving Cuban Nationals. It seemed that they had scheduled a ballgame against the Nationals in Havana Castro didn't want to be embarrassed by losing the game, so he had their pitcher killed.

There's a theory out of London that he was killed by the British Royal Family, to stop the problem created by being a Prince Charles look alike.

Another theory out on London is that he was partying with the Stones, and choked on a Ham Sandwich.

There's also the belief that he wanted a preview of the 72 virgins. When the first virgin uncovered her face, he had a heart attack and died.

Weekend at Osama's

The Al Qaeda Spin doctors are saying that the Navy Seals didn't kill Bin Laden. They have quickly releases the first feature length Al Qaeda Movie. Released through their own studio, Fourth Century Fox, here is a brief summary of their version of Osama's death. "Weekend at Osama's."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Achmad and Abdul are two low-level employees at Al Qaeda who uncover a $2 million fraud involving financing of Osama’s hit album sings Elvis that were released after the death of the Infidel producer. Taking their findings to their boss Osama Bin Laden, they are commended for discovering the fraud and invited to Osama's cave the following long weekend, and promised extra virgins.


Unbeknownst to Achmad and Abdul, Osama is behind the fraud and nervously arranges with his
Taliban partners to have them both killed that weekend and arrange it as a murder-suicide. The talibans, however, double cross Osama and change the plan to have Husni murder Osama at his cave house instead, as Osama's reckless greed has made him a liability, in addition to the fact he is having an affair with the Taliban boss Najeed’s girlfriend, Nasmah.. During the dinner Nasmah, slides her sandal off and plays footsie with Osama with her bare foot.


Osama arrives at the cave early, before Achmad and Abdul, and speaks to Husni on the phone.
With the belief that this conversation, is going to become part of Osama’s next video it is recorded. The conversation pointedly mentions Osama's alibi once Husni is supposed to kill the two friends. Osama then writes a confession and plants cash implicating Achmad and Abdul in what Osama thinks will be their later deaths. Husni arrives, kills Osama by injection of Chicken Soup and leaves a Gefilte Fish to appear as an apparent overdose.


Achmad and Abdul arrive at the beach house, find their now dead boss and think he is meditating. While trying to liven him up, they discover the Gefilte Fisht left as evidence by the killer to suggest that Osama overdosed. At this point, guests start arriving for a "floating" party that passes through Osama's house every weekend as he is immensely popular in the cave.


Achmad and Abdul immediately realize that the vast majority of people are too engrossed in their own suicides to notice the "host" and even the few appearing to talk to Osama in passing are too superficial and oblivious to think twice about his apparent lack of response between his eyes concealed behind dark sunglasses and a certain dopey grin from the murderous OD: "you've never looked so relaxed," someone tells him.


Despite the more conniving Achmad's effort to persuade his friend to take advantage of the incredible situation to enjoy the accommodations for at least a while, straitlaced Abdul begins to call the Al Qaeda leaders when he spots the arrival of a Al Qaeda, summer intern Shifa.


Managing to move Osama's body away from the party with Achmad broadly hinting their boss is "dead" drunk, Abdul is finally free to court the hooded Shifa with Achmad's prompting: "Girl, cave, mud, sand, dirt."


After the party has ended, another man from Najeed's gang arrives and has reason to believe Osama is still alive. He immediately calls in this surprising news to Najeed who has Husni check back at the cave the next day. The next morning starts with Achmad playing Monopoly with his dead boss. This game of monopoly is the Tora Bora version.


Abdul gets flustered when Shifa arrives to thank Osama for her summer job . To hide Osama from Shifa, Achmad ends up dropping the corpse off the side of the mountain, unknowingly on top of Husni who was spying from beneath the mountain. At once shocked and provoked by what he thinks is this sudden attack, Husni chokes Osama until he's positive he has no pulse.


Achmad and Abdul finally determine to the Al Qaeda leaders inadvertently press the tape
machine playback of Osama's conversation with Husni alluding to their planned murder, which in turn leads them to discover the cash and note left by Osama framing them. They initially try to leave the cave by camel, dragging Osama draped over their shoulders to look like he's walking between them.


The camel leaves as they arrive at the Hookah cafe and Husni - who is on the Camel - becomes agitated at the sight of Osama running alongside Achmad and Abdul shouting to stop the Camel.


Husni is driven crazy by how two murder attempts on Osama could have failed.


Next, Achmad and Abdul attempt to use Osama's Camel to leave the cave. Neither knows how to ride a Camel, however, and they end up wreaking havoc on various local Camels and merchants.


The Camel soon runs out of cud, and the duo is forced to slide on Osama's back to the cave.


At the house, Shifa confronts Achmad and Abdul to pressure them to tell the truth. They break down and reveal that they had found Osama dead from the start of the weekend. Suddenly Husni returns, thinking Osama is still alive, and blatantly fires six gunshots into Osama in front of Shifa, Achmad, and Abdul. Husni then turns the gun on the others, but he has emptied the chamber. Chasing them with another loaded gun, Husni is caught by surprise when Achmad manages to entangle him with the cord from Osama’s dialysis machine and knock him out.


Al Qaeda eventually arrive to cut off Husni’s hands, chopping them off s he continues to insist Osama is still alive.


As Osama is being loaded onto the Red Crescent Moon Camel, the gurney rolls away and down the desert, dumping his body off the gurney and onto the desert yet again, where a young boy comes along, and starts to play by scooping buckets of sand over the body. At last, Osama is buried and can rest in peace... or can he?