Senator Crackerbarrel

Old Senator Crackerbarrel spoke to the nation.
“It’s time that we had massive deregulation.
I beg your indulgence so I can be heard
Too many laws are clearly absurd.
So today with my friend Senator Pill,
I present this new deregulation omnibus bill.

We must first repeal the law of attraction.
In my life, this has been a tremendous distraction.
If we eliminate this by simple subtraction,
we can eliminate unnecessary interreaction.

Number two to be gone is the law of gravity.
Liberals think this would cause an Earth Cavity
So we no longer may teach Isaac Newton’s theory,
of which I have grown very tired and weary,

Since, to our children Sir Isaac will no longer be taught
The law of Inertia is now all but for naught.
Without inertia and gravity a body in motion, can do whatever it please.
It can freeze,
It can sneeze,
It can stand in a breeze,
It can even jump up and up on a circus trapeze.

Lets not leave out our dear friends from Peta,
we’ll do as we please, with the Lion and Cheetah
So the Law of the Jungle goes out with the rest
So finally we can place, the MGM Lion under arrest.

For my next proposal I ask flexibility
It’s time to eliminate, The law of probability
Hear me out without any hostility.
For all consequences, I will probably take full responsibility.

Now we dispense with the Law of relativity
Albert expanded Sir Isaac’s creativity
Let us eliminate this Einstein activity
as we now approach the conclusion of this festivity.

Pass my proposal, start this deregulation
think of the wonders that would befall the great nation.
We’d float all about, without an Earthly attraction
At our own speed, no legal distraction
Animals would no long cause allergic reaction.
The world would soon be without dissatisfaction,
And our success would cause a worldwide chain reaction.”

So Senator Crackerbarrel finished his proposal.
Two men in white coats, were at his disposal.
“We love you bill about regulation,
but it’s time to give you a mild sedation.”

So Senator Crackerbarrel was taken away
So Senator Crackerbarrel was taken that day.
But what did become of the Senator’s bill?
It’s now law you see, it passed Capital Hill.

So the nation now lives with it’s feet in the air,
men no longer give pretty girls that gawking stare
Lions no longer rule that Jungle so distant
and items move by without any resistant.
I’d say this an improbable occurrence indeed.
But, I’d be arrested, All Senators agreed.

Spam in a can

I am Poor

I am Poor
Poor I am

That Poor-I-am
That Poor-I-am!
I do not like
that Poor-I-am

Do you like Spam in a can?

I can’t afford it, Poor-I-am.
I can’t afford Spam in a can.

Would you like to get on Medicare?

It’s socialism I don’t dare.
I will rely upon the Lord’s Prayer.
I can’t afford Spam in a can.
I can’t afford it. Poor-I-am

Did the bank just take your house?
How will you then feed your old spouse?

Yes the bank did take my house.
And I no longer have a spouse.
I do not take Medicare.
It is Socialism I don’t dare.
I do not like spam in a can
I can’t afford it Poor-I-am.


Why don’t you invest in stocks?
You can store them in a box.
I have got no cash for stocks.
I have nothing in my box.
I don’t have a house.
Nor do I have a spouse.
I do not take Medicare.
It is Socialism I don’t dare.
I Will not eat Spam in a can
I Can’t afford it, Poor-I-am.

Would you? Could you? Buy a car?
Chauffeured! Chauffeured! Be a Star.

I would not ,could not, buy a car

You can work for me for free.
While I go on a shopping spree.
Work for free, what do you think of me.
I would not, could not work for free.
Nor buy a car! You let me be.

No money for stocks.
No need for a box.
I don’t have a house.
Nor do I have a spouse.
I do not take Medicare.
It is Socialism I don’t dare.
I Will not eat Spam in a can
I Can’t afford it, Poor-I-am.

Champaign! Champaign!
Champaign! Champaign!
Could you, would you drink Champaign?

No Champaign! Won’t work for free!
Don’t have a car! I am Poor! Let me be!
I would not, could not, buy some stocks.
I have nothing in my box.
I no longer have a house
I no longer have a spouse.
I do not take Medicare.
It is Socialism I don’t dare.
I can’t afford it, Poor-I-am.


Say!
Sleep in the park?
You can Sleep in the park!
Would you, could you, Sleep in the park?

I have had to, Sleep in the park.

Where do you go in the rain?

I go nowhere this is my domain.
I Sleep in the park. Don’t drink Champaign,
Don’t have a car, Won’t work for free.
I can’t afford it, Poor, you see.
Don’t have a house. Can’t buy some stocks.
I lost my spouse. Don’t need a box.
I do not take Medicare. It’s Socialism I don’t dare.

You do not like spam in a can?

I can’t afford it, Poor-I-am.

Maybe you could buy a boat.

I would not, could not buy a boat!

It might help you keep afloat

I could not, would not, buy a boat.
How would that keep me afloat?
I sleep outside in the rain.
I cannot afford your Champaign.
I Sleep in the park! Won’t work for free!
Don’t have a car! You let me be!
I can’t afford them buy some stocks.
I have nothing to put in my box.
The bank down there just took my house.
Then off and running was my spouse.
I do not take Medicare.
It is Socialism I don’t dare.

I can not afford spam in a can!
I can’t afford it, Poor-I-am.

You can’t afford it
SO you say.
Try it! Try it! Anyway.
Try it and you may say.

Poor!
If you will let me be,
I will try it.
You will see.

Say!
this is shit spam in a can!
I missed nothing for, Poor-I-am!
And I won’t eat it in a boat!
And I won’t feed it to a goat...
And I would pour it down the drain.
If I had my own domain.
Not in a car. Nor in a tree.
It tastes like crap or can’t you see!

So I will eat it buy some docks.
And I will feed it to a fox.
If only I still had a house.
I could feed it to my spouse.
I do not take Medicare.
It is Socialism I don’t dare.

I do so like spam in a can!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Poor-I-am

The Mighty Curmudgeon

Sit back Children and listen to this tale
About an unusual super hero
And his unusual travail

The Government denies his existence
But I found the proof
with the greatest resistence.
This is no spoof

Somewhere buried underground, deep in a Dungeon
there is true validation of the Mighty Curmudgeon .

Now Superman can fly, and Spiderman can climb.
But the Curmudgeon just feels that that’s a waste of his time.

“Why should I fly,
when on TWA
The Fountainebleau is just
two hours away.”

“ You want, I should climb a wall
what if I fall.
My Jaw I would break,
Oy I’d have such an ache.”

“It’s true, I have powers, beyond mortal men,
but if you want an old man to fly, please call up John Glenn.”

From the moment he woke,
when he took his first stretch
The Curmudgeon would
Kvetch and Kvetch and Kvetch

He could out-Kvetch them all,
“Get out of the Tub,
the Tub is too small
and the whitefish won’t fit
in our shower stall.”

“Stay off of my lawn.”
He would yell at the boys.
“Stop reading that book,
it makes too much noise.”

So why does a nation
all troubled with debt
find this curmudgeon
to be such a threat?

He wrote letters to Nixon about liberation.
Complained to Ford about runaway inflation.
Carter he nagged of the Nation’s frustration.
Reagan he hated his administration.
He complained of George I’s procreation
For it created George II’s complete obfuscation.
To Clinton he suggested he get a castration
So President Obama, without adjudication
made the following secret proclamation.

“We must capture this creature
hide him deep underground.
A place that will feature,
not even a sound

We must avoid protestation
when we capture this Kvetch.
For the sake of the nation,
I’ve drawn you a sketch.”

So they captured this Octogenarian
Charged him with being a bitter contrarian

Now somewhere in the bowels of the Capital City
Is a man, who has garnered, so little pity
There underground, alone in a dungeon.
Still Kvetching away, is the mighty Curmudgeon!

Why did the Chicken cross the Road?

That's the Libertarian Chicken. The Republican Chicken will only allow you to cross the road if the Democrat Chicken wants to prohibit crossing said road. The Democrat chicken can't decide what road to cross, so he eventually compromises, goes along with the Republican Chicken, forcing the Republican Chicken to state that it is too costly to cross this road.