A Christmas Song by Nate King Cohen

Hot Dogs Roasting on an open fire,
Hebrew National you know,
The Shimah being sung by a choir,
And Bubby’s Schmatta doesn’t go.

Everybody knows Fricassee and a Pot Roast
Help to bind you so tight.
There’s no need to attempt to go,
We’re having Ex Lax with dessert tonight.

They know that Uncle Morty’s on his way;
He's loaded Halvah and Rugelach today.
And every mother's child is going to try,
To avoid Sophie’s Gefilte fish and fries.

And so I'm offering this simple truth,
To kids named Ike and Saul and Ruth
Although we’ve eaten each year with Irv and Fay
We’re going out for Chinese next Christmas day!

Bachmann's first state visit

Michelle Bachmann upon landing a position on the intelligence committee , plans a trip to the Far East Country of Manua. In order to brust up on their government she calls upon the wise sage of the Tea Party, Sarah Palin.

Palin: Alright, Michelle how can I help you?

Bachmann: Now look, I'm new on this committee. I’m doing my first state visit to a country called Manua. I need to know the names of the people that I’m going to see.
Do you know the guys' names?

Palin: Oh sure.

Bachmann: So you go ahead and tell me some of their names.

Palin: Well, I'll introduce you to the boys. You know sometimes nowadays they give diplomats peculiar names.

Palin: Now let's see. The Prime Minister is Hugh.

Bachmann: The Prime Minister is not me. I’m the Representative.

Palin: No me is the Secretary of Defense and I’m The Attorney General -

Bachmann: You can’t be the Attorney General

Palin: No Hugh is the Prime Minister.

Bachmann: Stop saying that I’m The Prime Minister.

Palin: I’m not the Prime Minister. I’m is the Attorney General.

Bachmann: How can you be the Attorney General of one country and running for President of another

Palin: You is not the Running for President, She is the Running for President.

Bachmann: She is the Running for President. I thought that You’re Running for President

Palin: No Your is the Secretary of Agriculture.

Bachmann: I’m not the Secretary of Agriculture and you lose my vote if you say I’m the Attorney General. Tell me the name of the U.N. Ambassador.

Palin: Tell me is the name of the Speaker of the House.

Bachmann: I don’t care about the Speaker of the House. I want to know the name of the U.N. Ambassador.

Palin: I want to know is the name of Minister of Finance.

Bachmann: I don’t care about the Minister of Finance. Do they have a U.S. Ambassador?

Palin: Of Course they have a U.S. Ambassador.

Bachmann: Does he have a name.

Palin: Of course.

Bachmann: Tell me his name?

Palin: Of course.

Bachmann: OK Tell me his name.

Palin: Of Course.

Bachmann: You going to tell me?.

Palin: I’m telling you, Of course.

Bachmann: So tell me.

Palin: She’s the head of Homeland Security - now we're not talkin' 'bout him.

Bachmann: Now, how did I get on Homeland Security?

Palin: You mentioned his name!

Bachmann: If I mentioned the Homeland Security's name, tell me what I said?

Palin: Oh he’s the Opposition Party.

Bachmann: Never mind the Opposition Party.

Palin: No - Never Mind’s been executed.

Bachmann: Huh?

Palin: No, Huh’s OK, he was acquitted

Bachmann: Well, I'm a war time Representative

Palin: I know that.

Bachmann: Now suppose that we decide to attack Manua. After a few weeks of heavy bombing they surrender.

Palin: Yes.

Bachmann: We negotiate a settlement with Hugh.

Palin: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Bachmann: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!

Palin: Well, that's all you have to do.

Bachmann: Hugh resigns.

Palin: Yes.

Bachmann: Now we’re dealing with She.

Palin: Maybe

Bachmann: So we’re negotiating with She.

Palin: Maybe!

Bachmann: Maybe?

Palin: Maybe

Bachmann: So we’re negotiating with Maybe.

Palin: NO, NO, NO! You’re negotiating with She.

Bachmann: Maybe.

Palin: That's right. There we go.

Bachmann: She then resigns. They ask me to deal with I’m. I’m not dealing with I’m.To Hell with them!

Palin: What was that?

Bachmann: To Hell With Them!


Palin: That’s the Chief Justice