Dear Speaker Gingrich

It’s no secret that the Republicans want the White House Back in 2012.
This is a transcript of a recent Republican strategy meeting
With apologies to Sondheim and Bernstein, sung to the tune of Officer Krupke

Dear lovely Right Wing Annie,
I need for you to speak,
He's kicked us in the fanny
The outcome sure looks bleak.
Sarah called him lefty,
Of hope we bereft.
Annie Coulter, what have we got left!

Reps
Gee, Barack Obama, you’ve really made us fools;
We never thought we’d lose to the party of mules.
We resorted to defamation,
This time it didn’t work.
To the voters we are really Jerks!

Newt
We are Jerks!

Reps
We are Jerks, we are Jerks,
You see that nothing works!
We need help, cause nothing really works!

Rove: (Spoken) It’s too early to give up.

Newt: (Spoken) Who shall I turn to?

Rove: Just tell it to Hannity.

Newt
Dear Right wing, Mr. Hannity,
The Press is so unfair.
With such a left wing bias,
I haven’t got a Prayer.
The far right is too pious,
Now my campaign is a flop.
My friend, Sean! This has got to stop!

Sean: Right!

Mr. Speaker Gingrich, are you kidding me?
Just keep avoiding issues, and they’ll plainly see!
That he’s just a socialist with terrorist ties.
Don’t tell the truth, keep telling them the lies!

Newt
Keep telling lies!

Reps
We will lie, we will lie,
Tell a bold faced lie,
Like the great O’Reilly we will Lie.

Sean: (Spoken) In the opinion of the self proclaimed judge of who is a Great American, you are a Great American.

Newt: (Spoken) Hey, I got Hannity’s endorsement.

Rove: So take him to O’Reilly.

Newt (Sings)
I can’t play family values, it isn’t gonna work,
My campaign is in trouble.
The New Speaker is a jerk,
He’ll leave us in the rubble.
The voters are berserk,
My friend Bill O. tell me what will work?

O’Reilly: Yes!
Dear Mr. Speaker, just follow my lead.
You choose Governor Palin, now tell her go breed.
Remember we’re Fair at Fox,
And if all else fails we’ll stuff the Ballot Box!

Newt
We’ll stuff the Box!

Reps
We’ll stuff the Box, we’ll stuff the Ballet Box,
We’ll stuff the Box, Box, Box,
We’ll listen to them all at Fox!

Rove: In my opinion, this President won't need get a second team. Go ask Rush!

Newt: Hey, I’m going to Rush!

Newt
Dear omniscient right wing leader,
They say I’m in the dump. I sent Sarah to the breeder,
Just to get a bump.
I’ll concentrate on swing states,
That’s what all agreed.
Ronald Reagan! Please don’t make me plead!

Rush:
Mr. Speaker, just stick to the right.
I guarantee, my friend that he won’t put up a fight.
You should have listened to me, cause you knew where I stood;
Just try to convince them he is from the Hood!

Newt
He’s from the hood!

Reps
He’s from the hood, he’s from the hood!
Not our neighborhood!
Different from us, we are good!

Annie
The trouble is he's lefty.

Sean
He’s not good at being untruthful.

Rush
The trouble is he's not hefty.

Bill-O
He’s also far from youthful.

Annie
The trouble is he's failin’.

Rove
So next time we’ll run Palin.

All
Mr. Speaker, we got troubles of our own!

Gee, Speaker Gingrich,
You’ve blown your last chance,
It might have helped, had you known a little ‘bout finance.
Gee, Speaker Gingrich, We’re done with you now.
Gee, Speaker Gingrich,
Just say chow!

My Favorite Things

Old men in speedos, and laps girls can't fit in
remember those days when you only had one chin
Hair rapped around the head, like an old string
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored front teeth, and bottles of ex lax
Odd Smells and Bad Spells, and problems with Death Tax
Plumber's pants that show off your underwear stings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in short dresses, for whom you buy Beers
Strange hairs that grows from your nose and your ears
Your old friends have changed they are voting right wing
These are a few of my favorite things

When the wife yells
When you in law sings
When stripes don't go with plaid
I simply remember my favorite things
Then I don't feel so Bad.

Ron Paul's Campaign Song

Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan

I am the very model of a modern Libertarian.
I know we shouldn't pay for Education or Librarians.
I know the Representatives and find them all hysterical.
From Barney Frank to Boehmer, I think them all quite Comical.

I very well acquainted too with matters economical
I can quote you from supply side to Reagan's fantaphysical.
With leaders of the tea party I vote for Reds and not the Blues.
If elected it will be a crime to collect the Union’s dues.
A crime to collect the Union’s Dues
A crime to collect the Union’s Dues
A crime to collect the Union’s Dues
I’m really quite familiar with matters that are agrarian.
Keep your fat ass off my lawn I’ll repeat til I’m an Octogenarian.

In fact in matters economic, political and social I am the very model of a modern Libertarian
In fact in matters economic, political and social He is the very model of a modern Libertarian