It wasn’t easy being God, but it didn’t suck either. It was a lot of hard work, but there were perks. For instance, he alone could get Malomars in the Summer.
So why did he sell? He wanted to wrote his memoirs. He was concerned that with the burden of being God, his Part 3 would be no better than the Godfather Part 3. Furthermore, the offer was too good.
He was concerned, however, about the membership of the corporate conglomerate that was dealing with. Obviously the membership all had to be dead.
The numbers were astronomical. God believed in regulations. He would never allow sub-prime mortgages in heaven, therefore there were no short-sales and no mortgage modifications. Real Estate in Heaven was at an all time high. The money was to be deposited in an off shore account in the Cayman Islands.
But God still didn’t know who he was dealing with. What did it matter? The Matrix for life on Earth was so good that it had survived floods, hurricanes, the 1994 Baseball strike and George W. Bush. He would take the deal.
After the closing his first activity was a Club Med vacation. He asked some of the Angels to pack for him. They packed a Speedo thong. He wasn’t sure that he would ever get a chance to wear the suit, since he never intended for people to be clothed anyway.
The first day at dinner he sat with a German couple and some girls from Jersey. He knew before asking that they were from Jersey because of the accents, the abundance of eye shadow and the fact that they were discussing exit numbers.
Eventually the topic of the nude beach came up. The girls giggled. They said that they'd go topless, but not nude. God blushed with the image and swore that he'd look for them the next day. After all, he did know what he was looking for, since he was God he had seen them in their natural state many times. And it was good.
Ronnie went back to his room and started to unpack. He suddenly realized that there were items in the bag that he hadn't asked the angels to put there. The Angel of the Jewish Mothers was at it again. She fed him, looked after him. He swore that he'd move out by his next birthday, his six thousandth. He accepted the fact that she had packed a heavy sweater for him. This is often needed near the Equator. But did she have to pack the prunes?
The next day he got up early and went to the beach. He figured that since he really didn't know anybody yet, then this was the ideal day to go to the nude beach. He put on his Speedo, loaded himself with sun tan lotion, but forgot that there were going to be parts of his body that had never seen the sun before.
He thought that he looked great in the thong. In reality had Neal Armstrong seen that moon he would have planted the American flag and stated that this was "one small step for a man a disgusting sight for mankind!"
He staked out his spot, gradually got up the nerve to take off his Speedo.
When a couple of beautiful naked ladies were walking his way. They said something, in French to him. His French was a little rusty. He turned to the woman on the next blanket, "Do you speak French?"
"Yes, I do."
"Do you know what they said?"
"Oui, they said that it looks like a Penis, only smaller."
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
The Chosen People Chapter Three, Ginsburg retires
Chapter III- Ginsburg retires
In 2013, Ruth Bader Ginsburg felt that she could no longer serve the country as a Justice of the Supreme Court. President Bachmann nominated former Texas Governor, Rick Perry to replace her.
The Senate now consists of three parties and two independents. There are 37 Democrats, 2 independent, Barry Samuels of Vermont, and Olympia Snowe of Maine who caucus with the Democrats. Snowe resigned the Republican Party, upon passage of the “Super Colossal Patriot Act.”
There are 43 Republicans, and 18 Christianicans. The vote for Perry went as expected 61-39.
Alaska Christianican Senator, Sarah Palin, stood and accused the Democrats of divisive behavior. She promised to immediately commence hearings in her “America first committee,” about the treasonous, and stated, “that from my window, I can see Senator Schumer, visiting the Russians.”
Senator Schumer was unavailable for comment, but his staff indicated that he would comment at his weekly Sunday evening Press conference.
With Justice Ginsburg’s retirement, the extreme Right had a solid majority on the court. When the issues of School Prayer and Abortion came up, long standing case law was overturned.
In the abortion decision, a 14 year old girl was denied access to a Nome, Alaska Planned Parenthood, and her mother arrested for child endangerment, when an angry group of Anti Abortion advocates, blocked the doors to the Alaskan facility. The group relied upon an Alaskan statute that said that, “people can use whatever means necessary to protect the safety of the unborn.”
The court in a 5-4 decision, Justice Perry writing the decision upheld the Alaskan Statute. The mother continues to serve 25 years to life. Justice Perry stated, ‘it has long been American tradition to value the sanctity of life, up to and including the date of birth.” Justices Roberts, Scalia, Thomas and Alito concurring,
Justice Thomas wrote a short concurring opinion, “There’s no place like Nome!”
Thus commenced the mass exodus of American Liberal to Canada.
Canada's New Immigration Problem
From the MANITOBA HERALD, Manitoba, Canada
January 10, 2014
“With a effect being felt of the Right Wing takeover of the United StatesGovernment, a flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
The Bachmann Presidency, has prompted the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hold down a job, hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night." I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Nesterenko, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. “He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I gave him some fresh warm goat milk he tossed his cookies and left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?' “
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Nesterenko erected higher fences, but the liberals dug under them. So he tried installing speakers that blast Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,"he said. “The liberals still got through but many were crying as they ran through the corn fields.”
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. “A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a drop of bottled water and wearing sandals. 'They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.”
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Republican Majority establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from airplanes, deny evolution, and actually work for a living. So much job training is needed it is cheaper to just put them in a motel and provide room service. At least they don't break equipment.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Red Skelaton and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. “If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age.” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that these illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
”I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “but, how many lawyers, art-history and English majors does one country need? “
In 2013, Ruth Bader Ginsburg felt that she could no longer serve the country as a Justice of the Supreme Court. President Bachmann nominated former Texas Governor, Rick Perry to replace her.
The Senate now consists of three parties and two independents. There are 37 Democrats, 2 independent, Barry Samuels of Vermont, and Olympia Snowe of Maine who caucus with the Democrats. Snowe resigned the Republican Party, upon passage of the “Super Colossal Patriot Act.”
There are 43 Republicans, and 18 Christianicans. The vote for Perry went as expected 61-39.
Alaska Christianican Senator, Sarah Palin, stood and accused the Democrats of divisive behavior. She promised to immediately commence hearings in her “America first committee,” about the treasonous, and stated, “that from my window, I can see Senator Schumer, visiting the Russians.”
Senator Schumer was unavailable for comment, but his staff indicated that he would comment at his weekly Sunday evening Press conference.
With Justice Ginsburg’s retirement, the extreme Right had a solid majority on the court. When the issues of School Prayer and Abortion came up, long standing case law was overturned.
In the abortion decision, a 14 year old girl was denied access to a Nome, Alaska Planned Parenthood, and her mother arrested for child endangerment, when an angry group of Anti Abortion advocates, blocked the doors to the Alaskan facility. The group relied upon an Alaskan statute that said that, “people can use whatever means necessary to protect the safety of the unborn.”
The court in a 5-4 decision, Justice Perry writing the decision upheld the Alaskan Statute. The mother continues to serve 25 years to life. Justice Perry stated, ‘it has long been American tradition to value the sanctity of life, up to and including the date of birth.” Justices Roberts, Scalia, Thomas and Alito concurring,
Justice Thomas wrote a short concurring opinion, “There’s no place like Nome!”
Thus commenced the mass exodus of American Liberal to Canada.
Canada's New Immigration Problem
From the MANITOBA HERALD, Manitoba, Canada
January 10, 2014
“With a effect being felt of the Right Wing takeover of the United StatesGovernment, a flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
The Bachmann Presidency, has prompted the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hold down a job, hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night." I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Nesterenko, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. “He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I gave him some fresh warm goat milk he tossed his cookies and left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?' “
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Nesterenko erected higher fences, but the liberals dug under them. So he tried installing speakers that blast Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,"he said. “The liberals still got through but many were crying as they ran through the corn fields.”
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. “A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a drop of bottled water and wearing sandals. 'They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.”
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Republican Majority establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from airplanes, deny evolution, and actually work for a living. So much job training is needed it is cheaper to just put them in a motel and provide room service. At least they don't break equipment.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Red Skelaton and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. “If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age.” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that these illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
”I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “but, how many lawyers, art-history and English majors does one country need? “
The Chosen People Chapter Two, God's Will
CHAPTER II- God’s Will
The Jewish vote typically turns out in very large percentages. But 2012 was “the perfect storm.”
Jews had typically voted Democratic, but President Obama’s support of Israel was tepid at best. Romney, whose opinions often depended on the make up of his audience gave a pro Israel speech at Yeshiva University on October 30, 2014.
There had also been two, very amateurish, explosive devices discovered in voting booths in Williamsburgh, Brooklyn and Palm Springs, Florida. The devices were defused and there were no injuries, There weren’t meant to be.
The bombs were placed there by a militant Michigan militia, who gave strong financial support to Michelle Bachmann. The sole intention of the devices was that they be found, prior to the commencement of voting so the voters of Jewish districts would be scared away. It worked.
New York City had its lowest percentage turnout in history. That combined with upstate typically being more conservative gave New York to Romney with 42% of the vote.
In Florida Obama only got 22 %, Romney 50% and Bachmann 28%.
The results started pouring in from ‘middle America,” Bachmann was carrying many states, It was apparent that nobody would get the required 270 Electoral votes.
In her speech that night, Bachmann vowed to “fight on,” and that she would occupy the White House in January. “The result’s were God’s Will.”
Harvey was getting concerned. The day after election day, a very mysterious, but thoroughly likeable man with a Yiddish accent walked into Harvey’s Law office in Syosset, New York, looking to write a will.
God had heard enough. All he ever heard was “God’s will.” He decided that it was finally time that he actually wrote a will.
How would he go about such a venture? There was a lot that he wasn’t sure about. He wasn’t really a citizen of any one country. Where would he go? He first thought about Israel. Then he realized all the controversy that this would cause. He remembered that he had once said that “The Jews were the chosen people.” He thought that it was time that he stopped choosing them.
He had just come into a lot of money. He sold his business and residence to a large conglomerate. He wanted to know how to protect his assets.
Although Harvey knew that he didn’t have testamentary capacity, there was something charming about this little man, claiming to be God. The man was clearly intelligent,
Harvey decided to do a normal client interview.
“ I first like to draw a family tree. Do you have any children?” Harvey asked with great excitement about the pending answer.
“I have one son.”
“Would you like him to be the executor.”
“Why, he never calls. He never writes.”
“Let’s skip over that for the time being, What are your assets?”
“ I have an ark, two tablets a grail, and a couple of billion from the sale of heaven and earth, safely deposited in the Cayman Islands.”
“Do you work? “
“A long time ago. It only lasted six days.”
“Let’s get back to this executor. Is there anyone else that you would consider.”
“ Yes, my sister. The boy’s aunt. We call he Auntie Christ.”
The Jewish vote typically turns out in very large percentages. But 2012 was “the perfect storm.”
Jews had typically voted Democratic, but President Obama’s support of Israel was tepid at best. Romney, whose opinions often depended on the make up of his audience gave a pro Israel speech at Yeshiva University on October 30, 2014.
There had also been two, very amateurish, explosive devices discovered in voting booths in Williamsburgh, Brooklyn and Palm Springs, Florida. The devices were defused and there were no injuries, There weren’t meant to be.
The bombs were placed there by a militant Michigan militia, who gave strong financial support to Michelle Bachmann. The sole intention of the devices was that they be found, prior to the commencement of voting so the voters of Jewish districts would be scared away. It worked.
New York City had its lowest percentage turnout in history. That combined with upstate typically being more conservative gave New York to Romney with 42% of the vote.
In Florida Obama only got 22 %, Romney 50% and Bachmann 28%.
The results started pouring in from ‘middle America,” Bachmann was carrying many states, It was apparent that nobody would get the required 270 Electoral votes.
In her speech that night, Bachmann vowed to “fight on,” and that she would occupy the White House in January. “The result’s were God’s Will.”
Harvey was getting concerned. The day after election day, a very mysterious, but thoroughly likeable man with a Yiddish accent walked into Harvey’s Law office in Syosset, New York, looking to write a will.
God had heard enough. All he ever heard was “God’s will.” He decided that it was finally time that he actually wrote a will.
How would he go about such a venture? There was a lot that he wasn’t sure about. He wasn’t really a citizen of any one country. Where would he go? He first thought about Israel. Then he realized all the controversy that this would cause. He remembered that he had once said that “The Jews were the chosen people.” He thought that it was time that he stopped choosing them.
He had just come into a lot of money. He sold his business and residence to a large conglomerate. He wanted to know how to protect his assets.
Although Harvey knew that he didn’t have testamentary capacity, there was something charming about this little man, claiming to be God. The man was clearly intelligent,
Harvey decided to do a normal client interview.
“ I first like to draw a family tree. Do you have any children?” Harvey asked with great excitement about the pending answer.
“I have one son.”
“Would you like him to be the executor.”
“Why, he never calls. He never writes.”
“Let’s skip over that for the time being, What are your assets?”
“ I have an ark, two tablets a grail, and a couple of billion from the sale of heaven and earth, safely deposited in the Cayman Islands.”
“Do you work? “
“A long time ago. It only lasted six days.”
“Let’s get back to this executor. Is there anyone else that you would consider.”
“ Yes, my sister. The boy’s aunt. We call he Auntie Christ.”
Saturday, September 24, 2011
The Chosen People Chapter One, How it came to pass
"For ye, brethren, became followers of the churches of God which in Judea are in Christ Jesus: for ye also have suffered like things of your own countrymen, even as they have of the Jews:
Who both killed the Lord Jesus, and their own prophets, and have persecuted us; and they please not God, and are contrary to all men:"
(THESSALONIANS 2:14-15,)
“Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Thus we shall always be with the Lord.”
(THESSALONIANS 4:17)
"And it shall come to pass, that in all the land, saith Jehovah, two parts therein shall be cut off and die; but the third shall be left therein. And I will bring the third part into the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried" (Zechariah 13:8, 9).
These writings and their interpretations had haunted Harvey Shapiro. Was it true? Was there to be a Rapture? Religion to Harvey had never been more than punch line, and this was the funniest joke of all. Then why was he haunted by it? Simply because it was one more thing that the stupid and narrow minded used as an excuse to hate the Jews.
Now it was worse than ever. Business leaders, Athletes, Politicians all had been quoted making statements, that in an earlier day, would have been considered Anti-Semitic. He was used to the hate spewing from the talk radio crowd, but now it’s coming from the White House. The President, in a speech on religion, before a joint session of Congress, called upon Jewish Leaders, “to seek Gods forgiveness, for killing his only son.”
Harvey was astounded when every Republican and a handful of Democrats stood and applauded.
This was a shocking, but not completely unforeseen consequence of the Christianicans gaining a plurality in Congress. There was some hope, that the emergence of the Christianicans would force the Republicans’ hands to sit and negotiate with the Democrats, but the exact opposite happened. The Republicans embraced the Christianicans.
This so called, “revolution,” oddly enough started in Harvey’s own district. Forest Hills, New York, had been a bastion for Liberals, all of his life. Geraldine Ferraro was from Forest Hills. So were Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel. This district had been represented by a Democrat for nearly 90 years. That all changed in 2011. Anthony Weiner resigned.
Congressman Weiner, a leading Liberal Democrat, who had hopes of someday being elected Mayor of New York City, for some inexplicable reason felt it necessary to text pictures of his penis to women across the country. Weiner resigned, and in a special election, in September, 2011, Bob Turner a conservative Republican was elected to replace him.
Due to redistricting, Turner lasted less than a full term, but the dye had been cast. The Tea Party and the Religious Right saw this has their opportunity to step in and create a third major party, The Christianicans.
The party was founded in 2012, when the Republicans nominated Mitt Romney for President. Leading Republicans, Michelle Bachmann and Rick Perry broke from the party to form The Christianicans. At the convention, Bachmann was nominated as the Christianican nominee for President. She immediately chose broadcaster, Sean Hannity as her running mate.
They sat with their advisors, Ann Coulter, the aforementioned Rick Perry and Rick Santorum. Among the positions taken by the platform were: 1) Redouble our effort in Iraq and Afghanistan. 2) Establish a committee in Congress to investigate Socialist influence in Government, 3) Declare and outlaw Socialist organizations, such as The American Civil Liberties Union, 4) Nominate religious leaders to the Supreme Court, 5) Fund the New Planned Parenthood, an organization that will establish religious training for all of the youth of America. This religious training will include, a twelve step program for all gays and non-Christians.
As late as October, 2012, MSNBC commentator, Chris Matthews said that The Christianicans, “...don’t stand a chance of winning. This will be the political end of Bachmann. This is the best thing that could happen to the Democrats and maybe even to the Republicans.
The Democrats were going to win this election anyway. Now with the Christianicans syphoning votes from the Republicans, it will be a landslide. The Republicans will get the ‘nut cases’ out of the party, and we can return to serious governing.”
But in November, 2012, something happened. The Democrats in New York, California and Florida stayed home. The Republicans won all three states. They also won Nevada, Utah, Wyoming, Virginia, North Carolina, Nebraska, Kansas, Alaska, Kentucky, Arkansas, Tennessee and West Virginia, giving them 200 electoral votes.
The Christianicans, through their grass roots efforts carried New Hampshire, Indiana, Michigan, Minnesota, North Dakota, South Dakota, Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama, giving them 160 Electoral Votes.
The Democrats only had 178 electoral votes.
The Election for President went to the House of Representatives, where Michelle Bachmann won. The constitution calls for the Election of the Vice President by the Senate, there the Republicans staged a filibuster. The Democrats agreed to a compromise Vice President, and Romney was chosen.
Ultra Right Wing Religion swept the country. Ball players were cheered every time they would thank god, for letting them win, or crossed themselves, when they got up to bat. In 2013, a young Jewish Ballplayer for the Mets was injured by the fans.. Morty Abramowitz, who grew up in nearby Great Neck, protesting the influx of religion in sports had the day before, lay his bat on the plate, and while using both hands drew a Star of David across his chest. The next game, on the first day of Passover, he was pelted by Matzoh Balls from the angry crowd. This was a suggestion of Presidential Press Secretary, Rush Limbaugh.
Who both killed the Lord Jesus, and their own prophets, and have persecuted us; and they please not God, and are contrary to all men:"
(THESSALONIANS 2:14-15,)
“Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Thus we shall always be with the Lord.”
(THESSALONIANS 4:17)
"And it shall come to pass, that in all the land, saith Jehovah, two parts therein shall be cut off and die; but the third shall be left therein. And I will bring the third part into the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried" (Zechariah 13:8, 9).
These writings and their interpretations had haunted Harvey Shapiro. Was it true? Was there to be a Rapture? Religion to Harvey had never been more than punch line, and this was the funniest joke of all. Then why was he haunted by it? Simply because it was one more thing that the stupid and narrow minded used as an excuse to hate the Jews.
Now it was worse than ever. Business leaders, Athletes, Politicians all had been quoted making statements, that in an earlier day, would have been considered Anti-Semitic. He was used to the hate spewing from the talk radio crowd, but now it’s coming from the White House. The President, in a speech on religion, before a joint session of Congress, called upon Jewish Leaders, “to seek Gods forgiveness, for killing his only son.”
Harvey was astounded when every Republican and a handful of Democrats stood and applauded.
This was a shocking, but not completely unforeseen consequence of the Christianicans gaining a plurality in Congress. There was some hope, that the emergence of the Christianicans would force the Republicans’ hands to sit and negotiate with the Democrats, but the exact opposite happened. The Republicans embraced the Christianicans.
This so called, “revolution,” oddly enough started in Harvey’s own district. Forest Hills, New York, had been a bastion for Liberals, all of his life. Geraldine Ferraro was from Forest Hills. So were Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel. This district had been represented by a Democrat for nearly 90 years. That all changed in 2011. Anthony Weiner resigned.
Congressman Weiner, a leading Liberal Democrat, who had hopes of someday being elected Mayor of New York City, for some inexplicable reason felt it necessary to text pictures of his penis to women across the country. Weiner resigned, and in a special election, in September, 2011, Bob Turner a conservative Republican was elected to replace him.
Due to redistricting, Turner lasted less than a full term, but the dye had been cast. The Tea Party and the Religious Right saw this has their opportunity to step in and create a third major party, The Christianicans.
The party was founded in 2012, when the Republicans nominated Mitt Romney for President. Leading Republicans, Michelle Bachmann and Rick Perry broke from the party to form The Christianicans. At the convention, Bachmann was nominated as the Christianican nominee for President. She immediately chose broadcaster, Sean Hannity as her running mate.
They sat with their advisors, Ann Coulter, the aforementioned Rick Perry and Rick Santorum. Among the positions taken by the platform were: 1) Redouble our effort in Iraq and Afghanistan. 2) Establish a committee in Congress to investigate Socialist influence in Government, 3) Declare and outlaw Socialist organizations, such as The American Civil Liberties Union, 4) Nominate religious leaders to the Supreme Court, 5) Fund the New Planned Parenthood, an organization that will establish religious training for all of the youth of America. This religious training will include, a twelve step program for all gays and non-Christians.
As late as October, 2012, MSNBC commentator, Chris Matthews said that The Christianicans, “...don’t stand a chance of winning. This will be the political end of Bachmann. This is the best thing that could happen to the Democrats and maybe even to the Republicans.
The Democrats were going to win this election anyway. Now with the Christianicans syphoning votes from the Republicans, it will be a landslide. The Republicans will get the ‘nut cases’ out of the party, and we can return to serious governing.”
But in November, 2012, something happened. The Democrats in New York, California and Florida stayed home. The Republicans won all three states. They also won Nevada, Utah, Wyoming, Virginia, North Carolina, Nebraska, Kansas, Alaska, Kentucky, Arkansas, Tennessee and West Virginia, giving them 200 electoral votes.
The Christianicans, through their grass roots efforts carried New Hampshire, Indiana, Michigan, Minnesota, North Dakota, South Dakota, Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama, giving them 160 Electoral Votes.
The Democrats only had 178 electoral votes.
The Election for President went to the House of Representatives, where Michelle Bachmann won. The constitution calls for the Election of the Vice President by the Senate, there the Republicans staged a filibuster. The Democrats agreed to a compromise Vice President, and Romney was chosen.
Ultra Right Wing Religion swept the country. Ball players were cheered every time they would thank god, for letting them win, or crossed themselves, when they got up to bat. In 2013, a young Jewish Ballplayer for the Mets was injured by the fans.. Morty Abramowitz, who grew up in nearby Great Neck, protesting the influx of religion in sports had the day before, lay his bat on the plate, and while using both hands drew a Star of David across his chest. The next game, on the first day of Passover, he was pelted by Matzoh Balls from the angry crowd. This was a suggestion of Presidential Press Secretary, Rush Limbaugh.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Desire, Faith, Hope, Charity and Joy
Mrs. O’Malley was excited, her oldest son, Sean, was returning home for the first time, since leaving for college in the east, some three months ago.
She was justifiably proud of Sean, for his letters seemed to indicate that he found the religion, that he had rejected at home.
His first letter spoke about his conquest of Desire. This was wonderful, because to Mrs. O’Malley, desire was a sin.
His next letter he spoke about his new found Faith. To Mrs. O’Malley, this was Heaven sent. For to her and the late Mr. O’Malley, faith kept them going.
Then he wrote about having Hope. She thought to herself, “If only Mr. O’Malley could see Sean now. He might turn out to be a Priest after all.”
Next he spoke of that he gave his all to Charity. "What a fine young man we have raised, thought, Mrs. O'Malley.
Finally, his latest letter brought to Mrs. O’Malley happiness, which she had never known. Having gotten down on Desire, conquered Faith, uncovered Hope, which laid the groundwork for his mastery of Joy.
She heard his car. As he walked through the door she said to him, “I applaud you. I always knew that forgetting Desire, would bring you Faith, Hope, Charity and Joy.”
Sean looked quizzically at his mother and responded, “Well, none of them applauded me, but one of them did give me the Clap.”
She was justifiably proud of Sean, for his letters seemed to indicate that he found the religion, that he had rejected at home.
His first letter spoke about his conquest of Desire. This was wonderful, because to Mrs. O’Malley, desire was a sin.
His next letter he spoke about his new found Faith. To Mrs. O’Malley, this was Heaven sent. For to her and the late Mr. O’Malley, faith kept them going.
Then he wrote about having Hope. She thought to herself, “If only Mr. O’Malley could see Sean now. He might turn out to be a Priest after all.”
Next he spoke of that he gave his all to Charity. "What a fine young man we have raised, thought, Mrs. O'Malley.
Finally, his latest letter brought to Mrs. O’Malley happiness, which she had never known. Having gotten down on Desire, conquered Faith, uncovered Hope, which laid the groundwork for his mastery of Joy.
She heard his car. As he walked through the door she said to him, “I applaud you. I always knew that forgetting Desire, would bring you Faith, Hope, Charity and Joy.”
Sean looked quizzically at his mother and responded, “Well, none of them applauded me, but one of them did give me the Clap.”
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The Republican Debate
Last night's Republican debate was unique in the sense that all candidates had to answer as if Dr. Seuss had scripted it. Here are a few of the highlights.
Perry: “ My name is Rick, Rick-I-Am.
And I can get work for Uncle Sam.
We’ve put One Million Texans back to work
Our responsibility, we did not shirk
So come to Texas for the enjoyment
And like the Million, get a job in the office of unemployment.”
Romney: “ In Mass. We were the first State
To have a Health care Mandate.
When I was Gov. of that Liberal land
I thought that the plan was mighty grand
Now that I’m off to higher stakes,
I say to the uninsured ‘dems the breaks!’”
Santorum: “ Stop teaching this Evolutionary bunk
I tell you that it is all junk.
It’s time to teach our children creation.
Man did not start as a crustacean.
Please folks hold your ovation
For next I will present my plan for curing temptation.”
Bachmann: “May I quote Lincoln speaking to Christ
‘don’t vote for the Socialist, our freedoms he’ll heist.’
And of course sweet Jesus, and Abe then did pray
‘I’m voting for Bachman, she’ll cure the gays.’
So vote for me, it’s a vote for our savior.
The first law that I’ll pass, will control your behavior.”
Paul: “All that you’ve heard will cost money to spend.
If you elect me, I’ll soon change that trend.
No more money for safety, air controllers or schools
The market place will take replace all unnecessary rules.
For pilots will learn not to crash into each other.
What you will learn, you will learn from your mother.”
Perry: “ My name is Rick, Rick-I-Am.
And I can get work for Uncle Sam.
We’ve put One Million Texans back to work
Our responsibility, we did not shirk
So come to Texas for the enjoyment
And like the Million, get a job in the office of unemployment.”
Romney: “ In Mass. We were the first State
To have a Health care Mandate.
When I was Gov. of that Liberal land
I thought that the plan was mighty grand
Now that I’m off to higher stakes,
I say to the uninsured ‘dems the breaks!’”
Santorum: “ Stop teaching this Evolutionary bunk
I tell you that it is all junk.
It’s time to teach our children creation.
Man did not start as a crustacean.
Please folks hold your ovation
For next I will present my plan for curing temptation.”
Bachmann: “May I quote Lincoln speaking to Christ
‘don’t vote for the Socialist, our freedoms he’ll heist.’
And of course sweet Jesus, and Abe then did pray
‘I’m voting for Bachman, she’ll cure the gays.’
So vote for me, it’s a vote for our savior.
The first law that I’ll pass, will control your behavior.”
Paul: “All that you’ve heard will cost money to spend.
If you elect me, I’ll soon change that trend.
No more money for safety, air controllers or schools
The market place will take replace all unnecessary rules.
For pilots will learn not to crash into each other.
What you will learn, you will learn from your mother.”
Monday, September 5, 2011
Wouldn't it be Bribery
I've always felt that lobbying is tantamount to legalized bribery. But the lobbyists have decided to give back. In the form of a musical. Here is "Wouldn't it be bribery."
All I want is a rep. somewhere,
Wouldn’t hurt if it was a committee chair.
With one enormous pair,
Aow, all we need is bribery
Lots of minorities for me to cheat
we had a surplus that we did deplete.
Tax base, gay bans, Wall Street,
Aow, all we need is bribery
Aow, now we shall kill the health bill
Thank’s to the high court’s Right wing
we control Capital Hill.
Somewhere there is a detainee,
He’s as innocent as 'e can be.
but he disagreed with Dick Cheney,
Aow, all we need is bribery
Bribery, Bribery, Bribery, Bribery
All I want is a rep. somewhere,
Wouldn’t hurt if it was a committee chair.
With one enormous pair,
Aow, all we need is bribery
Lots of minorities for me to cheat
we had a surplus that we did deplete.
Tax base, gay bans, Wall Street,
Aow, all we need is bribery
Aow, now we shall kill the health bill
Thank’s to the high court’s Right wing
we control Capital Hill.
Somewhere there is a detainee,
He’s as innocent as 'e can be.
but he disagreed with Dick Cheney,
Aow, all we need is bribery
Bribery, Bribery, Bribery, Bribery
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