An American Family

At the front of the line
On this beautiful day,
Stood Elmer’s old spouse
With her needles Crochet

On her list were the gifts,
And she always came through
She bought TV and clothing
and a pet Kangaroo

She dressed to the nines
In Bikini and Shawl
The family sat home
all watching Football.

So when the Mall soon would open
She would
Shop!
Shop!
Shop!
Shop!


And she would keep doing it,
until she would drop.

And most of the gifts
would end up in a clump
and then poor Elmer would carry
the clump to the dump!

Doors open at four!
She wouldn’t forestall!
Doors open at four!
That’s when it would befall!
The Brawl at the Mall!
It was bound to happen
This shopper’s combat.

“We’re deeply in debt.”
Elmer said to his honey.
“Can’t you stay home
And save us some money?”


But she left with the promise
to return Christmas Day
So off she did go that day to the Mall.
“It’s only one month away.
There’s no time to stall.”

So she took the charge cards,
knowing that it was taboo
she could always charge more
It’s the world view.

So Elmer went back
to watching Football that day,
And his spouse left the house,
with no way to pay.

He knew he should stop her
take the credit cards away,
but he feared of her using
those needles Crochet.

Elmer turned his blind ear
and said “Where’s the Kraut.”
But she did disappear,
he would have to dine out.!

Elmer then noticed, “We’re all out of beer.
Out of Beer!” can have none of that.
“No beer, I fear.”
He said to the one he called brat.

“Now we have to go out
and have us some dinner.
Let’s go eat now,
let’s not wait for the winner.”

So Elmer and son dined on to classic Cuisine
A place called White Castle
Where no one was Lean.

Elmer placed his selection
“Ten burgers, three shakes and one coke.
That should help my complexion.”
Now his son finally spoke

“I’ll have the same. And a Cinnamon Bun!”
And a smile came over the face of the son.

Elmer was proud as a father could be!
“ You eat so well. Just like Grandpa and me.”

“What happened to Gramps?
Did he live to be old.
Please tell me dear Pop,
I’ve never been told.”

“One day after he had dined on his regular meal
Two street hot dogs one Chocolate shake.
And some Parmigiana Veal,
A thick juicy steak.
He would have for a start
All of this he would order,
being wheeled in his cart.”

“It was time for dessert
We ordered Ice Cream
Two gallons apiece.
A Culinary Dream.”

“When suddenly Grandpa made an ominous noise .
You know like the one that comes from your toys.”

“Grandpa exploded all over the place.
Grandpa exploded, all over my face.”

“So we finished our Ice Cream
After he did explode
And it wasn’t too bad
Grandpa Ala Mode.

The Protester's Things

People wonder what the protesters are protesting. Perhaps their new theme song will enlighten.

Draped over tights on half covered asses
Drivers too vain to wear their thick glasses
Brown piles of crap that you step in in spring
These are a few of the protester’s things!

Can’t afford Sony’s, want votes for their poodles
No dwelling so smelling and lice by the oodles
Pitches in the dirt, that all Mets will take swings
These are a few of the protester’s things!

The man in the corner who drools and who flashes
Business in the Park has caused us Ass rashes
The American Flag was made in Beijing
These are a few of the protester’s things!

When attacked by mites, when we’re eating strings
When I can’t get bail.
I simply remember
the protestors things
and then I just stay warm in Jail.

Hypocrisy

In the movie "Tombstone," Doc Holiday says, "my hypocrisy only goes so far." Well it seems that for most people, we don't know how far it goes.

We are all hypocrites. Life and politics dictate this. Jefferson wanted to abolish slavery, but once his efforts failed, did he release his slaves? No, he didn't even release them in his will. In World War II we fought the Germans, but gladly accepted their scientists, when it was beneficial to our space program.

The record keeping of the Nazis would have been impossible without the help of IBM. The Luftwaffe's efficiency was due in part to BMW. Yet immediately after WWII, when universal translators were needed for the Nuremberg trials, who did the allies turn to? IBM. How many of us drive BMW's or for that matter, Fords?

As a Democrat, I've looked with disdain at Republican sexual transgressions, but minimized those of Clinton and the Kennedys. Which brings to mind Ted Kennedy. How many of us would have or did vote for Ted Kennedy? In my only opportunity, the 1980 NY Primary, I did. But, let's face it, had he been someone else, he might have been in prison.

Me, and other Democrats, often speak about the Bush Pedigree, which had Nazi sympathizers. Well folks, so was Joe Kennedy.

Joe Paterno, was an iconic figure in sports. For Penn State to fire him, and not let him quit with dignity, must mean that his hypocrisy, crossed the line. I'm certain that we haven't heard the last of his involvement.