Presidential Prognosticators ponder the prospect for a possible Presidential positioning of Sarah Palin after Mrs. Palin posed the position that the President should face prosecution, because his pet poodle Penelope was perceived to have purchased plenty of prophylactics At a Pittsburgh Planned Parenthood.
Palin’s pathetic posturing does not portend well for her in the Pennsylvania Primary.
“Pennsylvania,’ predicted Palin politico, Peter Puck, ‘probably will be a precursor to predicting Primaries in other Powder keg parts.”
Puck opined that Palin may have pulled open a Pandora ’s Box of Politics.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Dr. Seuss's Passover Part 2
To continue our Passover thread
We will follow the route of the unleavened bread
Long ago it was mandated
That this poor soul matzo be castrated.
For in the soup as one recalls
Appear the remnants of his balls
Next we have the bitter Herbs
Oh my Stomach this disturbs
Then the child asks the questions four
As Elijah comes in the open door
“I’m not Elijah, you’re too kind
Your door was open, I’ll rob you blind.”
“I’ll take your Matzo and your wine
Tonight I shall eat mighty fine,
No thank you, no horse radish please
All it does is make me sneeze.”
With that our guest had left our home
And Murray went to use the phone
He first said to Stu,
I know what we have to do,
We’ve no choice my friend,
How much do you have to spend?”
He knew what would change a Jews bad mood
So he ordered in some Chinese Food.
We will follow the route of the unleavened bread
Long ago it was mandated
That this poor soul matzo be castrated.
For in the soup as one recalls
Appear the remnants of his balls
Next we have the bitter Herbs
Oh my Stomach this disturbs
Then the child asks the questions four
As Elijah comes in the open door
“I’m not Elijah, you’re too kind
Your door was open, I’ll rob you blind.”
“I’ll take your Matzo and your wine
Tonight I shall eat mighty fine,
No thank you, no horse radish please
All it does is make me sneeze.”
With that our guest had left our home
And Murray went to use the phone
He first said to Stu,
I know what we have to do,
We’ve no choice my friend,
How much do you have to spend?”
He knew what would change a Jews bad mood
So he ordered in some Chinese Food.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Dr. Seuss's Passover
I cannot eat bread
This feels like lead
I cannot go
My bowels are slow
Oh my god, Please let me know
for eight whole days
The food just lays
I eat a fish that swims in jell
No more Gefilte, I feel like hell
The chicken is boiled
The egg is spoiled
So let me ask question number five
Upon this food, how did we survive?
If I sneak mine to my dog Rover
I might just last one more Passover.
This feels like lead
I cannot go
My bowels are slow
Oh my god, Please let me know
for eight whole days
The food just lays
I eat a fish that swims in jell
No more Gefilte, I feel like hell
The chicken is boiled
The egg is spoiled
So let me ask question number five
Upon this food, how did we survive?
If I sneak mine to my dog Rover
I might just last one more Passover.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The tale of the wild Mondegreen
YOU AND ME AND LESLIE were getting together for dinner. My SLOW COUSIN WALTER had a suggestion, “DONUTS MAKE MY BROWN EYES BLUE.” Walter and I drank to much and this was MIDNIGHT AFTER I WAS WASTED.
I said “Why don’t we just go home, mom is BAKING CARROT BISCUITS.”
“JUST BRUSH YOUR TEETH BEFORE YOU LEAVE ME, BABY. “ Said Leslie in that confusing manner that she had. “THERE’S A BATHROOM ON THE RIGHT.”
Before I could get to the bathroom, THE GIRL WITH COLITIS WENT BY. She could take a while. So I got into a game of billiards. I’M THE POOL HALL ACE.
Walter got a snack. He must have GOT A LOT OF LUCKY PEANUTS, because I played the game of my life.
Leslie left, she had no problem getting home because SHE’S GOT A CHICKEN TO RIDE.
Leslie tried to make me sad, as she left she said “EXCUSE ME WHILE I KISS THIS GUY.”
Leslie or as I like to call her, Miss Beezlebut was often doing things like that. Sometime I believed that Miss BEELZEBUB HAS A DEVIL FOR A SIDEBOARD.
How would we get home. We had a choice, either the reindeer or the motorcycle. It seems that the reindeer was depresses. It seems that OLIVE, THE OTHER REINDEER USED TO LAUGH AND CALL HIM NAMES. So we took the motorcycle. Since it had no windshield we kept getting hit with bugs. Now, I didn’t MIND DEAD ANTS ARE MY FRIENDS; THEY'RE BLOWIN' IN THE WIND.
When we got home, I went straight to the refrigerator. “WHAT A NICE SURPRISE, WHEN YOU’RE OUT OF ICE!”
Walter’s mom woke up. His father had BEEN KILLED IN A BAR WHEN HE WAS THREE.
She greeted me with a hug.
I said, ‘So ARE YOU GOING TO STARVE AN OLD FRIEND?”
She requested that I play a song while she cooked. I had no desire to play for my food. “SUNDAY MONKEY WON'T PLAY PIANO SONG, PLAY PIANO SONG.”
But she was making my favorite meal, peas! So I played Mondegreen for her.
That night I would SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEAS.
I said “Why don’t we just go home, mom is BAKING CARROT BISCUITS.”
“JUST BRUSH YOUR TEETH BEFORE YOU LEAVE ME, BABY. “ Said Leslie in that confusing manner that she had. “THERE’S A BATHROOM ON THE RIGHT.”
Before I could get to the bathroom, THE GIRL WITH COLITIS WENT BY. She could take a while. So I got into a game of billiards. I’M THE POOL HALL ACE.
Walter got a snack. He must have GOT A LOT OF LUCKY PEANUTS, because I played the game of my life.
Leslie left, she had no problem getting home because SHE’S GOT A CHICKEN TO RIDE.
Leslie tried to make me sad, as she left she said “EXCUSE ME WHILE I KISS THIS GUY.”
Leslie or as I like to call her, Miss Beezlebut was often doing things like that. Sometime I believed that Miss BEELZEBUB HAS A DEVIL FOR A SIDEBOARD.
How would we get home. We had a choice, either the reindeer or the motorcycle. It seems that the reindeer was depresses. It seems that OLIVE, THE OTHER REINDEER USED TO LAUGH AND CALL HIM NAMES. So we took the motorcycle. Since it had no windshield we kept getting hit with bugs. Now, I didn’t MIND DEAD ANTS ARE MY FRIENDS; THEY'RE BLOWIN' IN THE WIND.
When we got home, I went straight to the refrigerator. “WHAT A NICE SURPRISE, WHEN YOU’RE OUT OF ICE!”
Walter’s mom woke up. His father had BEEN KILLED IN A BAR WHEN HE WAS THREE.
She greeted me with a hug.
I said, ‘So ARE YOU GOING TO STARVE AN OLD FRIEND?”
She requested that I play a song while she cooked. I had no desire to play for my food. “SUNDAY MONKEY WON'T PLAY PIANO SONG, PLAY PIANO SONG.”
But she was making my favorite meal, peas! So I played Mondegreen for her.
That night I would SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEAS.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Dear Speaker Gingrich
It’s no secret that the Republicans want the White House Back in 2012.
This is a transcript of a recent Republican strategy meeting
With apologies to Sondheim and Bernstein, sung to the tune of Officer Krupke
Dear lovely Right Wing Annie,
I need for you to speak,
He's kicked us in the fanny
The outcome sure looks bleak.
Sarah called him lefty,
Of hope we bereft.
Annie Coulter, what have we got left!
Reps
Gee, Barack Obama, you’ve really made us fools;
We never thought we’d lose to the party of mules.
We resorted to defamation,
This time it didn’t work.
To the voters we are really Jerks!
Newt
We are Jerks!
Reps
We are Jerks, we are Jerks,
You see that nothing works!
We need help, cause nothing really works!
Rove: (Spoken) It’s too early to give up.
Newt: (Spoken) Who shall I turn to?
Rove: Just tell it to Hannity.
Newt
Dear Right wing, Mr. Hannity,
The Press is so unfair.
With such a left wing bias,
I haven’t got a Prayer.
The far right is too pious,
Now my campaign is a flop.
My friend, Sean! This has got to stop!
Sean: Right!
Mr. Speaker Gingrich, are you kidding me?
Just keep avoiding issues, and they’ll plainly see!
That he’s just a socialist with terrorist ties.
Don’t tell the truth, keep telling them the lies!
Newt
Keep telling lies!
Reps
We will lie, we will lie,
Tell a bold faced lie,
Like the great O’Reilly we will Lie.
Sean: (Spoken) In the opinion of the self proclaimed judge of who is a Great American, you are a Great American.
Newt: (Spoken) Hey, I got Hannity’s endorsement.
Rove: So take him to O’Reilly.
Newt (Sings)
I can’t play family values, it isn’t gonna work,
My campaign is in trouble.
The New Speaker is a jerk,
He’ll leave us in the rubble.
The voters are berserk,
My friend Bill O. tell me what will work?
O’Reilly: Yes!
Dear Mr. Speaker, just follow my lead.
You choose Governor Palin, now tell her go breed.
Remember we’re Fair at Fox,
And if all else fails we’ll stuff the Ballot Box!
Newt
We’ll stuff the Box!
Reps
We’ll stuff the Box, we’ll stuff the Ballet Box,
We’ll stuff the Box, Box, Box,
We’ll listen to them all at Fox!
Rove: In my opinion, this President won't need get a second team. Go ask Rush!
Newt: Hey, I’m going to Rush!
Newt
Dear omniscient right wing leader,
They say I’m in the dump. I sent Sarah to the breeder,
Just to get a bump.
I’ll concentrate on swing states,
That’s what all agreed.
Ronald Reagan! Please don’t make me plead!
Rush:
Mr. Speaker, just stick to the right.
I guarantee, my friend that he won’t put up a fight.
You should have listened to me, cause you knew where I stood;
Just try to convince them he is from the Hood!
Newt
He’s from the hood!
Reps
He’s from the hood, he’s from the hood!
Not our neighborhood!
Different from us, we are good!
Annie
The trouble is he's lefty.
Sean
He’s not good at being untruthful.
Rush
The trouble is he's not hefty.
Bill-O
He’s also far from youthful.
Annie
The trouble is he's failin’.
Rove
So next time we’ll run Palin.
All
Mr. Speaker, we got troubles of our own!
Gee, Speaker Gingrich,
You’ve blown your last chance,
It might have helped, had you known a little ‘bout finance.
Gee, Speaker Gingrich, We’re done with you now.
Gee, Speaker Gingrich,
Just say chow!
This is a transcript of a recent Republican strategy meeting
With apologies to Sondheim and Bernstein, sung to the tune of Officer Krupke
Dear lovely Right Wing Annie,
I need for you to speak,
He's kicked us in the fanny
The outcome sure looks bleak.
Sarah called him lefty,
Of hope we bereft.
Annie Coulter, what have we got left!
Reps
Gee, Barack Obama, you’ve really made us fools;
We never thought we’d lose to the party of mules.
We resorted to defamation,
This time it didn’t work.
To the voters we are really Jerks!
Newt
We are Jerks!
Reps
We are Jerks, we are Jerks,
You see that nothing works!
We need help, cause nothing really works!
Rove: (Spoken) It’s too early to give up.
Newt: (Spoken) Who shall I turn to?
Rove: Just tell it to Hannity.
Newt
Dear Right wing, Mr. Hannity,
The Press is so unfair.
With such a left wing bias,
I haven’t got a Prayer.
The far right is too pious,
Now my campaign is a flop.
My friend, Sean! This has got to stop!
Sean: Right!
Mr. Speaker Gingrich, are you kidding me?
Just keep avoiding issues, and they’ll plainly see!
That he’s just a socialist with terrorist ties.
Don’t tell the truth, keep telling them the lies!
Newt
Keep telling lies!
Reps
We will lie, we will lie,
Tell a bold faced lie,
Like the great O’Reilly we will Lie.
Sean: (Spoken) In the opinion of the self proclaimed judge of who is a Great American, you are a Great American.
Newt: (Spoken) Hey, I got Hannity’s endorsement.
Rove: So take him to O’Reilly.
Newt (Sings)
I can’t play family values, it isn’t gonna work,
My campaign is in trouble.
The New Speaker is a jerk,
He’ll leave us in the rubble.
The voters are berserk,
My friend Bill O. tell me what will work?
O’Reilly: Yes!
Dear Mr. Speaker, just follow my lead.
You choose Governor Palin, now tell her go breed.
Remember we’re Fair at Fox,
And if all else fails we’ll stuff the Ballot Box!
Newt
We’ll stuff the Box!
Reps
We’ll stuff the Box, we’ll stuff the Ballet Box,
We’ll stuff the Box, Box, Box,
We’ll listen to them all at Fox!
Rove: In my opinion, this President won't need get a second team. Go ask Rush!
Newt: Hey, I’m going to Rush!
Newt
Dear omniscient right wing leader,
They say I’m in the dump. I sent Sarah to the breeder,
Just to get a bump.
I’ll concentrate on swing states,
That’s what all agreed.
Ronald Reagan! Please don’t make me plead!
Rush:
Mr. Speaker, just stick to the right.
I guarantee, my friend that he won’t put up a fight.
You should have listened to me, cause you knew where I stood;
Just try to convince them he is from the Hood!
Newt
He’s from the hood!
Reps
He’s from the hood, he’s from the hood!
Not our neighborhood!
Different from us, we are good!
Annie
The trouble is he's lefty.
Sean
He’s not good at being untruthful.
Rush
The trouble is he's not hefty.
Bill-O
He’s also far from youthful.
Annie
The trouble is he's failin’.
Rove
So next time we’ll run Palin.
All
Mr. Speaker, we got troubles of our own!
Gee, Speaker Gingrich,
You’ve blown your last chance,
It might have helped, had you known a little ‘bout finance.
Gee, Speaker Gingrich, We’re done with you now.
Gee, Speaker Gingrich,
Just say chow!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
My Favorite Things
Old men in speedos, and laps girls can't fit in
remember those days when you only had one chin
Hair rapped around the head, like an old string
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream colored front teeth, and bottles of ex lax
Odd Smells and Bad Spells, and problems with Death Tax
Plumber's pants that show off your underwear stings
These are a few of my favorite things
Girls in short dresses, for whom you buy Beers
Strange hairs that grows from your nose and your ears
Your old friends have changed they are voting right wing
These are a few of my favorite things
When the wife yells
When you in law sings
When stripes don't go with plaid
I simply remember my favorite things
Then I don't feel so Bad.
remember those days when you only had one chin
Hair rapped around the head, like an old string
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream colored front teeth, and bottles of ex lax
Odd Smells and Bad Spells, and problems with Death Tax
Plumber's pants that show off your underwear stings
These are a few of my favorite things
Girls in short dresses, for whom you buy Beers
Strange hairs that grows from your nose and your ears
Your old friends have changed they are voting right wing
These are a few of my favorite things
When the wife yells
When you in law sings
When stripes don't go with plaid
I simply remember my favorite things
Then I don't feel so Bad.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Ron Paul's Campaign Song
Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan
I am the very model of a modern Libertarian.
I know we shouldn't pay for Education or Librarians.
I know the Representatives and find them all hysterical.
From Barney Frank to Boehmer, I think them all quite Comical.
I very well acquainted too with matters economical
I can quote you from supply side to Reagan's fantaphysical.
With leaders of the tea party I vote for Reds and not the Blues.
If elected it will be a crime to collect the Union’s dues.
A crime to collect the Union’s Dues
A crime to collect the Union’s Dues
A crime to collect the Union’s Dues
I’m really quite familiar with matters that are agrarian.
Keep your fat ass off my lawn I’ll repeat til I’m an Octogenarian.
In fact in matters economic, political and social I am the very model of a modern Libertarian
In fact in matters economic, political and social He is the very model of a modern Libertarian
I am the very model of a modern Libertarian.
I know we shouldn't pay for Education or Librarians.
I know the Representatives and find them all hysterical.
From Barney Frank to Boehmer, I think them all quite Comical.
I very well acquainted too with matters economical
I can quote you from supply side to Reagan's fantaphysical.
With leaders of the tea party I vote for Reds and not the Blues.
If elected it will be a crime to collect the Union’s dues.
A crime to collect the Union’s Dues
A crime to collect the Union’s Dues
A crime to collect the Union’s Dues
I’m really quite familiar with matters that are agrarian.
Keep your fat ass off my lawn I’ll repeat til I’m an Octogenarian.
In fact in matters economic, political and social I am the very model of a modern Libertarian
In fact in matters economic, political and social He is the very model of a modern Libertarian
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