Republican debates in OZ

Welcome to the Republican Debates. We are here in the 51st State of Oz in the Emerald City. The Moderator for the debates is the first lady of Oz, Dorothy Gale. As the candidates enter via the Yellow Brick Road, Miss Gale will ask the questions.

Dorothy Gale: My first question is fro Mr. Gingrich. Mr. Gingrich, I hear that you have become a highly paid lobbyist, who was born without ethics. Tell me Mr. Gingrich, what would you do with ethics if you had any?

Gingrich: (To the tune of “If I only had a brain.”)
I must feed my overworked libido
That’s always been my Credo
I drive a Mercedes Benz
And My Haircuts they cost Plenty
So it’s really elementary
I have no need for any friends.

I’ve taken large retainers
Hidden in milk containers
Their pockets, I will cleanse

I am clearly narcissistic
So let’s not be unrealistic
I will never make amends

Oh, I wear silken ties
And Thousand dollar suits
With the NRA I am in cahoots
A gun is safe, unless it shoots

I am just a bottom dweller
Can not accept a failure
I take any large stipends
So it’s ethics I avoid
I’ll never help the unemployed
Or those who need to wear depends.

Dorothy Gale: My next question is for Mr. Romney. Mr. Romney, you’ve been accused of changing your position depending upon the audience that you are appearing before. In fact, there are those that believe that you were born without credibility, Tell me Mr. Romney, do you want credibility?

Romney: (To the Tune of “If I only had a Heart.”)

When a Politician’s less than Credible,
Often his words are just inedible
That’s why I cannot be believed.
Just because the nomination is looming
and my ratings aren’t booming
lack of credibility is perceived.

I’m not honest, I’m not candid, and often underhanded
with those who’ve been deceived
I’d deport all Mexicanis, Canadians, Cubanis
self deportation, I’ve conceived

I’ll have fun, on air Force One
above is my dog upon the roof
it’s so quiet you can barely, hear a woof
Cause I’ve made it sound proof

Barak, I beat...how sweet
Just to drill off in the ocean, condemn Newton’s law of motion
You all have been deceived
I could buy the little dipper, kill off dolphins, but not flipper
when my coronation is received.

Dorothy Gale: My final question is for Mr. Santorum. It has been said that you would’ve made a great President, in the thirteenth century. What can you say to those that say you are behind the times.

Santorum: (To the tune of, “If I only had the nerve.”)

There are those of us who know Katrina
was God’s way of punishing men misusing their own Weiner
now I know they will observe

so listen all you sinners
don’t be losers be all winners
sleep with Sally and not Irv.

You have tried all other ruses
With no plausible excuses
Said the Lord you don’t observe.

So let’s avoid another annoyance
Just listen to my clairvoyance
Do not dress with your flamboyance
Or you’ll get what you deserve.

Dorothy Gale: Thank you candidates. This has been enlightening.

Wouldn't Mitt be Loverly

Last Night after the result of the Nevada caucus became official, Mitt Romney decided to sing his victory speech. The name of the song is "Wouldn't Mitt be Loverly?"

All I am is a Billionaire.
Who will repeal Obama care
With all my perfect hair
Aow, wouldn't Mitt be loverly?
Lots of friends working on Wall Street,
Only seen with the true elite.
Another Newt defeat
Aow, wouldn't Mitt be loverly?
Aow, so loverly eliminating social programs like goodwill
We can filibuster 'till the right wing
Takes over on the Hill.
Newt soon will be history,
He will have to concede to me,
I’ll be the Nominee.
Aow, wouldn't Mitt be loverly?
Loverly, loverly, loverly, loverly