God's Conversation with David

God: David, please come here, I'd like to speak to you about a small problem.

David: Very funny God, why do you have to use the word small?

God: Just a little heavenly humor. Michelangelo says that you've been giving him a hard time again. What's that all about?

David: Enough with the heavenly humor, do you have to use the word hard? You see how he sculpted me. You made me, you know that it's not true.

God: What difference does that make. Do you have to shoot at him with your slingshot? I don't know what to do with you.

David: Why don't you ask Solomon for advise? He's always been your favorite.

God: Would you cut out that jealousy stuff. Anyhow I did ask him and what he suggested was impractical.

David: What was that?

God: He said that we should cut you in half. That man hasn't had an original idea in 3,500 years. I still don't understand the problem.

David: I can't get a date. All of the women think that Michelangelo's sculpture was true to proportion.

God: But you're married. What about Bathsheba?

David: She left me. She couldn't take the kidding from the other women.

God: What did they say?

David: Oh, Mary Magdalen said that "That looks like a Penis only smaller."

God: Well she would know. Clearly someone will date you.

David: Rahab will, but you know that if you pay her enough she'll date anyone.