Took the LIRR today. Why do people think that it’s their personal bathroom?
Makes me want to sing. To the tune of “My favorite things,”
Girls flossing their teeth, and guys picking toeses,
Fingers that stick in their butts and their noses
Garbage is thrown, they must thing it has wings
These are a few of the Railroad’s things
Feet on the seat, in old smelly sandals
Beer cups and cans, and The Post with its scandals.
The nails that are clipped, hit your face as they fling.
These are a few of the Railroad’s things,
.
Don’t use the bathroom, unless you want rashes.
Prices so high, no money left of the check that you cashes.
The guy’s passing gas, it don’t smell like it’s spring
These are a few of the Railroad’s things.
When the car’s cold
And you feel it sting
Now you’re getting mad
remember you could ride the L.I.R.R.
So nothing else seems, that bad.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
The Miracle of Hanukkuh
THE MIRACLE OF HANUKKAH. For those of you who heard me tell this tale before, tough luck!! The Miracle of Hanukkah was five brothers, the Marxabes, had potatoes to last one night. Somehow, Groucho, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo and Gummo Marxabe made enough Latkes to last eight nights, thereby causing the miracle of constipation.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Impeachment Hearings to Commence in the House of Representatives.
Impeachment hearings to Commence in the House of Representatives.
The New York Post December 20, 2011
Congress decides to hold hearings regarding the impeachment of President Obama!
As reported last week by Fox News Talk Show Host Sean Hannity, Speaker of the House of Representatives, John Boehner, announced today that he will ask for a special Prosecutor to be appointed to investigate the allegation that President Obama violate Federal Regulation D-64827, by pulling the tag off of a Mattress. Mr. Boehner alleged that the mattress was clearly labeled with the words "do not remove under penalty of law," in big black letters.
When asked why he chose such a minor offense to investigate, Mr. Boehner said, as tears rolled down his face "Its not the magnitude of the crime that’s important here, it’s the example that he setting for our children."
Mr. Hamity refused to name his sources, but it is believed that he found out about the incident from as a result of a “sleepover,” that the President’s children had with the children of the Representatives from Congress. It is believed that Michele Bachmann’s youngest child arrived home in tears because of the incident. Mrs. Bachmann immediately brought the incident to the attention of Speaker Boehner. Mrs. Bachmann said in a statement released to the press, that “this is further proof that he wasn’t born in the USA. All citizens of the United States know that yoi can’t pull a tag off of a mattress.”
Former Vice President Dick Cheney’s daughter, Elizabeth said about the incident that, “this is further proof of the moral decay that this administration has brought upon this country.”
When asked for a comment former Speaker of the House, Tom Delay, said that he has personal knowledge of both former President Bill Clinton and former Hillary Clinton pulling tags off of mattresses. He continues "I’ve even spoken to a reliable source who says that he knows first hand that while alone in the White House with Monica Lewinsky, President Clinton pulled tags off of many pillows." When reached for a comment, President Clinton said, "I never pulled the tag off of a Pillow!"
The New York Post December 20, 2011
Congress decides to hold hearings regarding the impeachment of President Obama!
As reported last week by Fox News Talk Show Host Sean Hannity, Speaker of the House of Representatives, John Boehner, announced today that he will ask for a special Prosecutor to be appointed to investigate the allegation that President Obama violate Federal Regulation D-64827, by pulling the tag off of a Mattress. Mr. Boehner alleged that the mattress was clearly labeled with the words "do not remove under penalty of law," in big black letters.
When asked why he chose such a minor offense to investigate, Mr. Boehner said, as tears rolled down his face "Its not the magnitude of the crime that’s important here, it’s the example that he setting for our children."
Mr. Hamity refused to name his sources, but it is believed that he found out about the incident from as a result of a “sleepover,” that the President’s children had with the children of the Representatives from Congress. It is believed that Michele Bachmann’s youngest child arrived home in tears because of the incident. Mrs. Bachmann immediately brought the incident to the attention of Speaker Boehner. Mrs. Bachmann said in a statement released to the press, that “this is further proof that he wasn’t born in the USA. All citizens of the United States know that yoi can’t pull a tag off of a mattress.”
Former Vice President Dick Cheney’s daughter, Elizabeth said about the incident that, “this is further proof of the moral decay that this administration has brought upon this country.”
When asked for a comment former Speaker of the House, Tom Delay, said that he has personal knowledge of both former President Bill Clinton and former Hillary Clinton pulling tags off of mattresses. He continues "I’ve even spoken to a reliable source who says that he knows first hand that while alone in the White House with Monica Lewinsky, President Clinton pulled tags off of many pillows." When reached for a comment, President Clinton said, "I never pulled the tag off of a Pillow!"
Saturday, December 10, 2011
A Republican candidate named Bachmann
had married herself a quack man
he thought that he could cure
all that he thought was impure
he should have looked in the next sack man.
From Georgia we have Newt
Who's own horn he'll often toot
he speaks of his morals
and give himself laurels
when with a stranger in his birthday suit.
Out of Boston comes Mitt
to figure him out would cause a fit
when he was Gov
health care he did love
and now he's full of shit
Now dear old Herman Cain
the woman cause him pain
Is it his fault that his zipper
can't control his big dipper?
They've caused him quite a strain.
Let us not forget the man from Texas
Who shows concern for the sexes
he'll eliminate departments
make sure men don't share apartments
if he'd only remember all that perplexes
had married herself a quack man
he thought that he could cure
all that he thought was impure
he should have looked in the next sack man.
From Georgia we have Newt
Who's own horn he'll often toot
he speaks of his morals
and give himself laurels
when with a stranger in his birthday suit.
Out of Boston comes Mitt
to figure him out would cause a fit
when he was Gov
health care he did love
and now he's full of shit
Now dear old Herman Cain
the woman cause him pain
Is it his fault that his zipper
can't control his big dipper?
They've caused him quite a strain.
Let us not forget the man from Texas
Who shows concern for the sexes
he'll eliminate departments
make sure men don't share apartments
if he'd only remember all that perplexes
Sunday, November 27, 2011
An American Family
At the front of the line
On this beautiful day,
Stood Elmer’s old spouse
With her needles Crochet
On her list were the gifts,
And she always came through
She bought TV and clothing
and a pet Kangaroo
She dressed to the nines
In Bikini and Shawl
The family sat home
all watching Football.
So when the Mall soon would open
She would
Shop!
Shop!
Shop!
Shop!
And she would keep doing it,
until she would drop.
And most of the gifts
would end up in a clump
and then poor Elmer would carry
the clump to the dump!
Doors open at four!
She wouldn’t forestall!
Doors open at four!
That’s when it would befall!
The Brawl at the Mall!
It was bound to happen
This shopper’s combat.
“We’re deeply in debt.”
Elmer said to his honey.
“Can’t you stay home
And save us some money?”
But she left with the promise
to return Christmas Day
So off she did go that day to the Mall.
“It’s only one month away.
There’s no time to stall.”
So she took the charge cards,
knowing that it was taboo
she could always charge more
It’s the world view.
So Elmer went back
to watching Football that day,
And his spouse left the house,
with no way to pay.
He knew he should stop her
take the credit cards away,
but he feared of her using
those needles Crochet.
Elmer turned his blind ear
and said “Where’s the Kraut.”
But she did disappear,
he would have to dine out.!
Elmer then noticed, “We’re all out of beer.
Out of Beer!” can have none of that.
“No beer, I fear.”
He said to the one he called brat.
“Now we have to go out
and have us some dinner.
Let’s go eat now,
let’s not wait for the winner.”
So Elmer and son dined on to classic Cuisine
A place called White Castle
Where no one was Lean.
Elmer placed his selection
“Ten burgers, three shakes and one coke.
That should help my complexion.”
Now his son finally spoke
“I’ll have the same. And a Cinnamon Bun!”
And a smile came over the face of the son.
Elmer was proud as a father could be!
“ You eat so well. Just like Grandpa and me.”
“What happened to Gramps?
Did he live to be old.
Please tell me dear Pop,
I’ve never been told.”
“One day after he had dined on his regular meal
Two street hot dogs one Chocolate shake.
And some Parmigiana Veal,
A thick juicy steak.
He would have for a start
All of this he would order,
being wheeled in his cart.”
“It was time for dessert
We ordered Ice Cream
Two gallons apiece.
A Culinary Dream.”
“When suddenly Grandpa made an ominous noise .
You know like the one that comes from your toys.”
“Grandpa exploded all over the place.
Grandpa exploded, all over my face.”
“So we finished our Ice Cream
After he did explode
And it wasn’t too bad
Grandpa Ala Mode.
On this beautiful day,
Stood Elmer’s old spouse
With her needles Crochet
On her list were the gifts,
And she always came through
She bought TV and clothing
and a pet Kangaroo
She dressed to the nines
In Bikini and Shawl
The family sat home
all watching Football.
So when the Mall soon would open
She would
Shop!
Shop!
Shop!
Shop!
And she would keep doing it,
until she would drop.
And most of the gifts
would end up in a clump
and then poor Elmer would carry
the clump to the dump!
Doors open at four!
She wouldn’t forestall!
Doors open at four!
That’s when it would befall!
The Brawl at the Mall!
It was bound to happen
This shopper’s combat.
“We’re deeply in debt.”
Elmer said to his honey.
“Can’t you stay home
And save us some money?”
But she left with the promise
to return Christmas Day
So off she did go that day to the Mall.
“It’s only one month away.
There’s no time to stall.”
So she took the charge cards,
knowing that it was taboo
she could always charge more
It’s the world view.
So Elmer went back
to watching Football that day,
And his spouse left the house,
with no way to pay.
He knew he should stop her
take the credit cards away,
but he feared of her using
those needles Crochet.
Elmer turned his blind ear
and said “Where’s the Kraut.”
But she did disappear,
he would have to dine out.!
Elmer then noticed, “We’re all out of beer.
Out of Beer!” can have none of that.
“No beer, I fear.”
He said to the one he called brat.
“Now we have to go out
and have us some dinner.
Let’s go eat now,
let’s not wait for the winner.”
So Elmer and son dined on to classic Cuisine
A place called White Castle
Where no one was Lean.
Elmer placed his selection
“Ten burgers, three shakes and one coke.
That should help my complexion.”
Now his son finally spoke
“I’ll have the same. And a Cinnamon Bun!”
And a smile came over the face of the son.
Elmer was proud as a father could be!
“ You eat so well. Just like Grandpa and me.”
“What happened to Gramps?
Did he live to be old.
Please tell me dear Pop,
I’ve never been told.”
“One day after he had dined on his regular meal
Two street hot dogs one Chocolate shake.
And some Parmigiana Veal,
A thick juicy steak.
He would have for a start
All of this he would order,
being wheeled in his cart.”
“It was time for dessert
We ordered Ice Cream
Two gallons apiece.
A Culinary Dream.”
“When suddenly Grandpa made an ominous noise .
You know like the one that comes from your toys.”
“Grandpa exploded all over the place.
Grandpa exploded, all over my face.”
“So we finished our Ice Cream
After he did explode
And it wasn’t too bad
Grandpa Ala Mode.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
The Protester's Things
People wonder what the protesters are protesting. Perhaps their new theme song will enlighten.
Draped over tights on half covered asses
Drivers too vain to wear their thick glasses
Brown piles of crap that you step in in spring
These are a few of the protester’s things!
Can’t afford Sony’s, want votes for their poodles
No dwelling so smelling and lice by the oodles
Pitches in the dirt, that all Mets will take swings
These are a few of the protester’s things!
The man in the corner who drools and who flashes
Business in the Park has caused us Ass rashes
The American Flag was made in Beijing
These are a few of the protester’s things!
When attacked by mites, when we’re eating strings
When I can’t get bail.
I simply remember
the protestors things
and then I just stay warm in Jail.
Draped over tights on half covered asses
Drivers too vain to wear their thick glasses
Brown piles of crap that you step in in spring
These are a few of the protester’s things!
Can’t afford Sony’s, want votes for their poodles
No dwelling so smelling and lice by the oodles
Pitches in the dirt, that all Mets will take swings
These are a few of the protester’s things!
The man in the corner who drools and who flashes
Business in the Park has caused us Ass rashes
The American Flag was made in Beijing
These are a few of the protester’s things!
When attacked by mites, when we’re eating strings
When I can’t get bail.
I simply remember
the protestors things
and then I just stay warm in Jail.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Hypocrisy
In the movie "Tombstone," Doc Holiday says, "my hypocrisy only goes so far." Well it seems that for most people, we don't know how far it goes.
We are all hypocrites. Life and politics dictate this. Jefferson wanted to abolish slavery, but once his efforts failed, did he release his slaves? No, he didn't even release them in his will. In World War II we fought the Germans, but gladly accepted their scientists, when it was beneficial to our space program.
The record keeping of the Nazis would have been impossible without the help of IBM. The Luftwaffe's efficiency was due in part to BMW. Yet immediately after WWII, when universal translators were needed for the Nuremberg trials, who did the allies turn to? IBM. How many of us drive BMW's or for that matter, Fords?
As a Democrat, I've looked with disdain at Republican sexual transgressions, but minimized those of Clinton and the Kennedys. Which brings to mind Ted Kennedy. How many of us would have or did vote for Ted Kennedy? In my only opportunity, the 1980 NY Primary, I did. But, let's face it, had he been someone else, he might have been in prison.
Me, and other Democrats, often speak about the Bush Pedigree, which had Nazi sympathizers. Well folks, so was Joe Kennedy.
Joe Paterno, was an iconic figure in sports. For Penn State to fire him, and not let him quit with dignity, must mean that his hypocrisy, crossed the line. I'm certain that we haven't heard the last of his involvement.
We are all hypocrites. Life and politics dictate this. Jefferson wanted to abolish slavery, but once his efforts failed, did he release his slaves? No, he didn't even release them in his will. In World War II we fought the Germans, but gladly accepted their scientists, when it was beneficial to our space program.
The record keeping of the Nazis would have been impossible without the help of IBM. The Luftwaffe's efficiency was due in part to BMW. Yet immediately after WWII, when universal translators were needed for the Nuremberg trials, who did the allies turn to? IBM. How many of us drive BMW's or for that matter, Fords?
As a Democrat, I've looked with disdain at Republican sexual transgressions, but minimized those of Clinton and the Kennedys. Which brings to mind Ted Kennedy. How many of us would have or did vote for Ted Kennedy? In my only opportunity, the 1980 NY Primary, I did. But, let's face it, had he been someone else, he might have been in prison.
Me, and other Democrats, often speak about the Bush Pedigree, which had Nazi sympathizers. Well folks, so was Joe Kennedy.
Joe Paterno, was an iconic figure in sports. For Penn State to fire him, and not let him quit with dignity, must mean that his hypocrisy, crossed the line. I'm certain that we haven't heard the last of his involvement.
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