An American Family

At the front of the line
On this beautiful day,
Stood Elmer’s old spouse
With her needles Crochet

On her list were the gifts,
And she always came through
She bought TV and clothing
and a pet Kangaroo

She dressed to the nines
In Bikini and Shawl
The family sat home
all watching Football.

So when the Mall soon would open
She would
Shop!
Shop!
Shop!
Shop!


And she would keep doing it,
until she would drop.

And most of the gifts
would end up in a clump
and then poor Elmer would carry
the clump to the dump!

Doors open at four!
She wouldn’t forestall!
Doors open at four!
That’s when it would befall!
The Brawl at the Mall!
It was bound to happen
This shopper’s combat.

“We’re deeply in debt.”
Elmer said to his honey.
“Can’t you stay home
And save us some money?”


But she left with the promise
to return Christmas Day
So off she did go that day to the Mall.
“It’s only one month away.
There’s no time to stall.”

So she took the charge cards,
knowing that it was taboo
she could always charge more
It’s the world view.

So Elmer went back
to watching Football that day,
And his spouse left the house,
with no way to pay.

He knew he should stop her
take the credit cards away,
but he feared of her using
those needles Crochet.

Elmer turned his blind ear
and said “Where’s the Kraut.”
But she did disappear,
he would have to dine out.!

Elmer then noticed, “We’re all out of beer.
Out of Beer!” can have none of that.
“No beer, I fear.”
He said to the one he called brat.

“Now we have to go out
and have us some dinner.
Let’s go eat now,
let’s not wait for the winner.”

So Elmer and son dined on to classic Cuisine
A place called White Castle
Where no one was Lean.

Elmer placed his selection
“Ten burgers, three shakes and one coke.
That should help my complexion.”
Now his son finally spoke

“I’ll have the same. And a Cinnamon Bun!”
And a smile came over the face of the son.

Elmer was proud as a father could be!
“ You eat so well. Just like Grandpa and me.”

“What happened to Gramps?
Did he live to be old.
Please tell me dear Pop,
I’ve never been told.”

“One day after he had dined on his regular meal
Two street hot dogs one Chocolate shake.
And some Parmigiana Veal,
A thick juicy steak.
He would have for a start
All of this he would order,
being wheeled in his cart.”

“It was time for dessert
We ordered Ice Cream
Two gallons apiece.
A Culinary Dream.”

“When suddenly Grandpa made an ominous noise .
You know like the one that comes from your toys.”

“Grandpa exploded all over the place.
Grandpa exploded, all over my face.”

“So we finished our Ice Cream
After he did explode
And it wasn’t too bad
Grandpa Ala Mode.