Jurassic Pickle

New York Times
November 20, 2010
By: Paul E. Ontonigist

In what was until now a very well kept secret, the Museum of Natural History in New York has sponsored an Archeological exhibition by the site of the now defunct Sage Diner on Queens Boulevard in Woodside, New York.

Museum Curator, Lewis N. Clark said in yesterday's press conference, "This could be the greatest discovery, since Adam West found King Tut's Tomb. We have uncovered treasures, and have learned more about the eating habits of the early settlers of Queens, then we ever expected to know."

Among the artifacts that have been uncovered is a Black and White Cookie, that is believed to be from Paleozoic Period. The Cookie is perfectly round, approximately 4 inches in diameter. The rumors that 4 such cookies were uncovered has not been substantiated and will be further explored when the three Archeologists in charge of the dig are released from Elmhurst Hospital, where they are being treated for a mysterious case of dysentery.

Also found was a jar of prehistoric cole slaw, a petrified pickle that carbon dating places in The Jurassic Period, and a pair of size 16 knee high nylon stockings, believed to have always been the dress code for the waitresses at the Sage.

"Our work here is almost done," said Clark. "From here we move on to the corner of Queens Boulevard and Woodhaven Boulevard. It is believed that in ancient fast food restaurant, named Wetsons once stood there. It would be quite a coup to prove my theory that the cause of the extinction of the Dinosaurs was a greasy French Fry."