Tea Party Story Part 1

It started as Romeo and Juliet.

Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim made it into West Side Story.

The Republicans are trying to make it into Tea Party Story.

Here is Part 1.

__________________________________________________________________________

LIMBAUGH: (Spoken) Against the Dems we need every man we got.

BECK: (Spoken) The Tea Partier ain’t one of us.

LIMBAUGH: Cut it, Beck boy. I and Tea Partier are the leaders of the Reps.

BECK: Well, he acts like he don't wanna belong.

COULTER: Who wouldn't wanna belong to the Reps!

BECK: Tea Partier don't vote with us all the time.

HANNITY: What about the day we clobbered Medicaid?

O’REILLY: Which we couldn't have done without Tea Partier.

COULTER: He saved my ever-lovin' neck!

LIMBAUGH: Right! He's always come through for us and he will now.

(sings)
When you're a Rep,
You're a Rep all the way
From your first talk with God
Til the Feds take you away.

When you're a Rep,
If you’re caught in the can,
waiving hands all around,
We’ll run fast as we can!
The rich are never alone,
The Dems are feeling disconnected!
The White House is our home:
Congress should be disinfected,
Our money’s protected!

The Congress is ours
With a capital R,
You can keep your Ivory Towers
We’ve lowered the Bar.
You can keep your big Cars,
We are Political Stars!
(Spoken) I know Tea Partier like I know me. I guarantee you can count him in.

BECK: In, out, let's get crackin'.

O’REILLY: Where you gonna find Olberrmann?

LIMBAUGH: He’s on the Mall at the rally.

PALIN: But the District always goed Blue
LIMBAUGH: (innocently) I'm gonna make nice there! I'm only gonna challenge him.

O’REILLY: Great, Daddy-O!

LIMBAUGH: So everybody dress up sweet and sharp.

ALL (sing)
Oh, when the Reps go to a Place that is Blue,
We'll act like patriots through and through!
Hannity and Limbaugh will perpetuate our lies,
The Dems won’t explore, they’ll just ignore our unethical ties!

LIMBAUGH: (Spoken) Hey. Cool. Easy. Sweet. Meet Tea Partier and me at ten. And walk tall!

O’REILLY: We always walk tall!

COULTER: We're Reps!

BECK: The greatest!

BECK and COULTER (sing)
When you're a Rep,
You can own a gas guzzler,
Call the Dems, the damn elitists
How we fool them is a puzzler!

O’REILLY, BECK, PALIN
When you're a Rep,
You're the richest of men:
Little cash, your excluded;
Why earn one Mil, When there’s Ten!

ALL
The Reps create fear,
Our Swift Boats are connected!
The Dems'll will lose this year
'Cause no Liberal’s gonna get elected!
We’re well protected!
Here come the Reps
We’ll fix this election,
We’ve done it before,
They’ll never make the connection!

Here come the Reps:
Social programs we detest!
The rich get taxes cut,
Who cares about the rest!

We'll reclaim the House,
For Coulter and O’Reilly!
We'll control who’ll be your spouse,
We’ll win it oh so slyly.
And we ain't kiddin'!

Here come the Reps,
Yeah! We’ll continue what we’ve started!
Ev'ry Dem is going to lose
This is not for the Fainthearted!

IF Dr. Seuss had written The Gettysburg Address

I started to write this as a satire. Upon rereading the Gettysburg Address, I realized that Lincoln's words are too compelling to belittle. I think that Dr. Seuss would have agreed. So here is my version of how Dr. Seuss would have written The Gettyburg Address. No doubt he would have done it better on his own!
______________________________________________________________________________

In years numbering seven and eighty,

Came forth our founders

On land vast and mighty

with no room for doubters!




In Liberty they trusted

original words could have no sequel

Upon the Proposition

that all men were created equal.




Now its Brother verse Brother

In a battle of strength

Who’s outcome will determine

If this nation has Length.




We are here at the arena,

where many have perished

to dedicate that land

to those that were cherished.




So what we have done

Is

Right

Right

Right

Right

But in the grand scheme

do we have the right

to dedicate this holy land,

while our sons are still a fight.




Those men of great valor

both here and in heaven

have hallowed this land,

better than we can envision.




My words will soon be forgotten

But not many a brave troop

By grateful family, friends

whose loss can’t recoup.




It is for those of us left

to continue the sojourn

in memory of those

who made freedom their concern.




So here we assert

that those lives will have meaning

we’ll free those enslaved

and stop all their bleeding





For now this great nation

will purge its great poisons

For we shall endure

to be governed by its citizens.

Artie from the Tea Party

With apologies to Dr. Seuss

On the far-away land where all were egg white
Arty from the Tea Party was King of the Right
A Lilly White land, they had guns but no taxes
.Stay off Arty’s Lawn. That’s where he relaxes.
The folks of this land had all they would need.
Coulter and Fox News, the New York Post to read.

They did… until voters, decided to elect
,A man whose Pedigree they thought was suspect
“Prove he belongs here” said Artie one day.
“It says here Hawaii, that’s a land faraway.
With this sign in his hands, he took to the mall
It said “Dis Guys a feriner, he don’t tawk wit no drawl.”
“All Tea Party member were born here you see.
There’s O’Reilly, McTavish, Kowalski and me.
We didn’t vote for this man, I know he’s an alien
He’s a Muslim, A Jew, maybe even Episcopalian.

So Artie from the Tea Party, knew who’s fault was his lot
He blamed him for health care, taxes and his basement’s dry rot
Now Arty’s an expert on the books of the Bible
So if he calls you a sinner it’s truly not libel.
‘So if we allow men to marry,” Arty had stated
“would cause this nation’s values to be more desecrated.
”He is an expert on this institution.
Three times he’s been married, three times dissolution.

So Arty decided this man had to be beaten
“I’ll be your next leader.” stated this cretin
But soon that great Artie, that delusional one.
was ranting and raving, cause someone else won.
And the Citizens breathed a sigh of relief
Cause Arty from the Tea Party was not Commander-in Chief.

The end is near for two great species.

The department of the interior just released its newest list of endangered species. Two rarely seen animals have made the newest list "Truth" and "Facts."

Department spokesperson, Pearl Marcus, laid the blame squarely at the feet of talk radio. "These magnificent creatures are about to be taken away from us. It's difficult to ascertain why this catastrophe is happening. They can't be eaten. Everybody knows that the truth is hard to swallow."

Talk show host, Rush Limbaugh, an avid fact hunter himself, in response to Mrs. Marcus's comment. "My friends, this is the way Liberals lie. The truth is that we search for the facts, but they are very difficult to find. It's survival of the fittest, and the fact of life is that truth and facts can't survive in such a world."

The Obama administration is considering the release of a few pairs of wild truths in Yellowstone National Park. There it is believed to have no natural predator. There it is believed that it can coexist with it's cousin, Beauty, that has flourished in the park for many years.

David's return

The International Herald Tribune recently reported about myths surrounding Michelangelo's David and its mysterious magical qualities.

Among others, people around Florence have alleged for many years about seeing a pale naked man resembling the statue walking the streets at night. Rumors began to spread that like Pygmalion's Galatea, David had come to life!

Recently, The Accademia dell'Arte del Disegno, in Florence, inexplicably closed its doors for a few days. When pressed for an explanation, spokesman Rudolfo Laspari, said that they were just taking inventory, to be followed by a short vacation in the United States.

Shortly thereafter there were reports of a naked, circumcised man, walking the streets of New York. It was assumed that the man was the famous Naked Cowboy, for in fact the two, like Clark Kent and Superman , had never been seen together.

At a McDonald's Restaurant in Time Square, customers also claimed to spot the man. Then later that day at the Stage Deli having a large stuffed sandwich. Every day for two weeks there would be reported sitings, with one inconsistency, the man's weight.

Then suddenly one day at the Palm Steakhouse on Second Avenue an obese naked man was apprehended.

The headline in the New York Post read: Man Arrested for Indecent Exposure; Taken to Small Claims Court!

Bill O'Reilly of Fox News was outraged that the authorities said the evidence was too small to charge him with anything, but a misdemeanor!

As mysteriously as the man arrived he was bailed out. It would later be learned that he failed to show on his court date.

Suddenly, two days after this man was bailed out The Accademia dell'Arte del Disegno, in Florence, reopened with no explanation about it's short closing or the strange appearance of Michelangelo's David.

If Dr. Seuss took the Subway

It was a hot August Day
Her scent was “Eau de Pig lying in stool."
On the Train known as “A”
Upon his shoes, she did drool

He was standing
ignoring the underground noise.
When Morton heard the Barker peddling his toys.

- Batteries! - Batteries!

So Morton stopped reading, and asked all around.
"Why is he selling batteries, so deep underground"
Then a women did answer, in a voice loud as all thunder,
“Follow Jesus!” she cried, “or you’ll end up down under.”

"I can’t stand it." cried Morton,. "This commute to the Job.
I leave home as fresh as a daisy, but arrive quite a slob!"

Then he heard a loud crash, the drums and percussion!
"A Marching band," cried Morton, "I’ve gotta get out,”
“They’re rapping ‘Feelings.’ thought Morton, “This sucks without doubt.”

When in stepped a couple, just begging for dough,
wearing tattered blue jeans, but “Air Jordans” below!
"Their sneakers cost plenty, what’s that about?
Yet they’re begging for change, I can’t figure it out!"

"I’m just some poor worker, holding on to a strap
I'd love to say something, I better not open my trap.”

There no alternative to riding this train.
My boss has takes a limo, and he’ll still complain.

There stood an old woman, too proud to ask for a seat.A
young lady a cursing, sitting there at her feet.

And here stood old Morton, upon his commute.
While the man up against him, continued to toot!

“Oh Damn it,” thought Morton, “I’ll repeat this tonight.
”“I wish that this guy, had fewer beans with his bite!”

One more stop ‘til my exit, he thought with much glee.
He'd hoped to avoid this with a Master’s degree.

This is how Morton, begins every morning,
No one told him of this, it came without warning.

Thing's that I've learned on the MTA.

Having spent the better part of thirty years avoiding the City Buses, Subway Trains and The Long Island Railroad, I know realize that I may have deprived myself of a very valuable part of my education. Therefore friends, I will take all of you for a day on the MTA.

I will start our journey on Queens Boulevard. We're going into Manhattan. As I enter the bus I notice the kindly Octogenarian. She's leaning on her cane, so
that the exhausted High School Basketball team can all sit comfortably.

You can learn some colorful language if you listen in on their conversation. How nice the three year old girl across the aisle is also learning these new words.

Let's see what we can find on the back of the bus. Here we find the young lady describing, in detail, on her cellphone, the escapades of previous night, with her boyfriend's brother. She's planning on having them tattooed onto her arm in Chinese lettering.

Whew!! We hit 60th Street, let's take the number 6 train to Grand Central. Although it's a short trip, we hear all about the virtues of Jesus. When we get off at 42nd Street, on the way to the Number 7 Train, back to Queens, I am delighted to hear the lovely tones of the washboard band playing "You're having my baby."

On to the Number 7 train. Here comes my favorite person, the battery salesman. I'm always tempted to ask him if they are included. (Stolen from Steven Wright.) Here's a new guy, the squeegee man. My glasses have now been forcibly "cleaned" for Five dollars.

I'm going to get off at Woodside and take the Long Island Railroad.

"Ouch, what was that!" Damn it, I was hit by somebody clipping her nails. That's all for our short journey as we get off in Forest Hills. I'm walking home!