Sunday, November 25, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Monday, November 5, 2012
Selling my soul to the Devil
Moderately successful New York, Jewish, Liberal, Lawyer disavows all that he finds holy and becomes an icon the tea partiers as a vehicle to success. (Selling my soul to the devil).
Ever since the day that I realized that my two dreams, 1) Playing for the Yankees; 2) Becoming Atticus Finch would never happen, I wanted to become a satirist, A male Dorothy Parker, A modern day James Thurber. So I started to write. First for myself and then for a limited audience.
I wrote a lot of stories, all of which I warehoused. Always thinking that someday they could be taken out of mothballs, updated and published.
As the dream dwindled, the enjoyment did not. My friends and family were kind enough to keep encouraging me, so anytime I thought that something was absurd, I added to the absurdity.
Then one day, about a month ago, one of my pieces was discovered by an “on-line” satire magazine. Since then I’ve been writing every day. Sometimes, when appropriate I go into my warehouse. The editors at “The Global Edition.” help me clean it up and guide me to making it like a news piece. I have no journalism experience.
On October 6, 2012, I went into my warehouse. I retrieved a piece that I had written in October, 2010 about the upcoming Republican takeover of the House of Representatives. It was a piece about Liberals escaping to Canada to avoid the oncoming right wing onslaught. I updated it and it was published.
I liked this piece, but didn’t think that it was any better than some other pieces that I had written. I also didn’t think that anybody could interpret this as anything but satire.
As of this morning, it’s got 37,000 hits on the internet. 15,000 since Saturday. So who is reading this? The far right wing. Not the far right with a highly developed sense of humor, like William F. Buckley had, but the Limbaugh worshipers. The comments are filled with hate for Liberals.
I’m sometimes tempted to answer these comments and say, “Hey, did you know that the a\author of this piece is a New York, Jewish, Left Wing, Attorney?” Common sense takes over and I don’t respond.
So at 56, do I continue to write satire, that I think will appeal to progressives, or do I sell my soul to the Devil, disavow all that I find holy and capture an uncharted market, Conservative satire?
Universal Studios has announced that Mel Brooks has been hired to write and direct the Biopic of God.
Universal Studios has announced that Mel Brooks has been
hired to write and direct the Biopic of God.
Brooks said in a press release “The Movie will be an epic,
because I will play God. After all who
else is old enough? It’s going to be
done through the eyes of God’s interviewer, who will be played by Carl
(Reiner). We will find out if the
Earth was really created in six days, or did God take that rumored vacation to
The Fontainebleau in Miami Beach after the fifth day. We will see God advising Noah about building
an Ark, ‘No, No use the good glue. That
crazy stuff.’ We will see God dancing
at Jesus’s Bar Mitzvah. “
The original thoughts
of Producer Verner Brothers was to have Mel Gibson write and direct the
film. The famous “hands off” approach
of the Hollywood Mogul, at first appeared to have backfired.
The highly successful, yet controversial Brothers left the task to his
Associate Producer, who mistakenly hired Brooks.
When reached for comment, Gibson said, “We had an oral
contract. This is clearly not the Mel
that he wanted. My Lawyers are meeting
with Mr. Brothers’ Lawyers to review the situation, and to check if there is
any way that we can correct this egregious error. I was expecting to make piece full of floods,
famine, war and pestilence, then I see the script. He’s got God dancing something called the
Hora at a Jewish wedding. Everyone knows
that the Jews had nothing to do with God.
When reached for comment, Brooks said, “I’m not too
worried. I’m the only one old enough to
have known God as a boy. I spoke to him,
and this is what he wants.”
Universal, last week announced the rest of the prospective
cast. Sid Caesar as Methuselah, Gene
Wilder as Noah, Nathan Lane as Onan,
Mathew Broderick as Jesus and featuring Cloris Leachman as God’s sister,
“Auntie Christ.”
Sunday, November 4, 2012
New Yorker losses driver’s license, becomes pedestrian. Learns to say "asshole” in seventeen languages.
New Yorker losses
driver’s license, becomes pedestrian. Learns to say "asshole” in seventeen
languages.
New York City is a
melting pot. Nobody knows this better
than lifetime New York Resident, Bruce Gettler. Gettler 56, recently lost his driver’s
license and has been forced to become a Pedestrian.
“When you lose something
as precious as your driver’s license, you learn to appreciate other
things.” Said Gettler. For Gettler one of those other things was an
ear for language. “As a Pedestrian it
is often necessary to communicate with the Drivers. To politely tell them ‘hey, I’ve got the
right of way.’” Gettler added. “How do
you say, ‘Your Mother,’ in Spanish? Or
‘Hey, Asshole.” In Italian, or the all-important ‘Shithead’ in Russian.”
Gettler saw a need that
wasn’t being fulfilled. He first
approached the people at Berlitz, but they weren’t interested in marketing his
computer program, “Pedestrian curses in seventeen languages.” So Gettler decided to market it himself. First he had to learn the languages.
Italian was easy. Having been a lifetime fan of Chico Marx,
Gettler realized that all he had to do was to add a strategic “A” in the middle
of a statement and use his hands. So,
“Hey Asshole,” became “Hey Ass A Hole.”
For Russian he realized that all he had to do was to add “ski” to the
end of a word. “Shithead” became
“Shitheadski.”
Joan Silverman, a
resident of Forest Hills in the Borough of Queens, recently purchased the
product says that “This has been invaluable, especially in Queens. Queens is the most ethnically diverse county
in the Country. We need to learn to
communicate with our neighbors. I can
think of no better way.”
Friday, November 2, 2012
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