Senatorial Candidates Mourdock and Akin announce support of radical "Personhood" Amendment, "Life begins at Ejaculation."

The idea behind this post, it turns out, is not original. Credit must go to an Oklahoma State Senator, who wanted to show her colleagues how absurd they were. However, the story is mostly mine.

Senatorial Candidates Mourdock and Akin announce support of radical "Personhood" Amendment, "Life begins at Ejaculation."

Missouri Senatorial Candidate Todd Akin and Indiana Senatorial Candidate Richard Mourdock, independently yesterday called for a Constitutional Amendment stating that life begins at Ejaculation. This amendment would outlaw in vitro fertilization, stem cell research, contraception, masturbation and nighttime emissions. The “Personhood” amendment would define each sperm cell an individual life.

When asked about the practicality of banning nighttime emissions or “wet dreams” Representative Akin said “If his thoughts are pure, the male body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”

Representative Mourdock, said that he thought long about the issue of Masturbation, and finally concluded that, “Because God killed Onan for ‘spilling his seed,’ we must follow God's example.”

Protests rang out from many sources. Playboy magazine founder, Hugh Hefner, stated that “it is clearly a violation of the right to privacy.” Philip Roth, author of “Portnoy’s Complaint” stated that “this will have a deleterious effect on the sale of liver.”

Former Presidential Candidate, Rick Santorum, supporting the amendment, stated “Is it wiggling a tail. If it is, ergo, it is life.”

Asked if she felt it would be difficult for young men to control themselves. Conservative Pundit, Ann Colture, said last night on the Sean Hannity show, “ I've been out with a lot of men, somehow they've had no difficulty controlling themselves around me. It can’t be that difficult.”