YOU AND ME AND LESLIE were getting together for dinner. My SLOW COUSIN WALTER had a suggestion, “DONUTS MAKE MY BROWN EYES BLUE.” Walter and I drank to much and this was MIDNIGHT AFTER I WAS WASTED.
I said “Why don’t we just go home, mom is BAKING CARROT BISCUITS.”
“JUST BRUSH YOUR TEETH BEFORE YOU LEAVE ME, BABY. “ Said Leslie in that confusing manner that she had. “THERE’S A BATHROOM ON THE RIGHT.”
Before I could get to the bathroom, THE GIRL WITH COLITIS WENT BY. She could take a while. So I got into a game of billiards. I’M THE POOL HALL ACE.
Walter got a snack. He must have GOT A LOT OF LUCKY PEANUTS, because I played the game of my life.
Leslie left, she had no problem getting home because SHE’S GOT A CHICKEN TO RIDE.
Leslie tried to make me sad, as she left she said “EXCUSE ME WHILE I KISS THIS GUY.”
Leslie or as I like to call her, Miss Beezlebut was often doing things like that. Sometime I believed that Miss BEELZEBUB HAS A DEVIL FOR A SIDEBOARD.
How would we get home. We had a choice, either the reindeer or the motorcycle. It seems that the reindeer was depresses. It seems that OLIVE, THE OTHER REINDEER USED TO LAUGH AND CALL HIM NAMES. So we took the motorcycle. Since it had no windshield we kept getting hit with bugs. Now, I didn’t MIND DEAD ANTS ARE MY FRIENDS; THEY'RE BLOWIN' IN THE WIND.
When we got home, I went straight to the refrigerator. “WHAT A NICE SURPRISE, WHEN YOU’RE OUT OF ICE!”
Walter’s mom woke up. His father had BEEN KILLED IN A BAR WHEN HE WAS THREE.
She greeted me with a hug.
I said, ‘So ARE YOU GOING TO STARVE AN OLD FRIEND?”
She requested that I play a song while she cooked. I had no desire to play for my food. “SUNDAY MONKEY WON'T PLAY PIANO SONG, PLAY PIANO SONG.”
But she was making my favorite meal, peas! So I played Mondegreen for her.
That night I would SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEAS.
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