Welcome to the Republican Debates. We are here in the 51st State of Oz in the Emerald City. The Moderator for the debates is the first lady of Oz, Dorothy Gale. As the candidates enter via the Yellow Brick Road, Miss Gale will ask the questions.
Dorothy Gale: My first question is fro Mr. Gingrich. Mr. Gingrich, I hear that you have become a highly paid lobbyist, who was born without ethics. Tell me Mr. Gingrich, what would you do with ethics if you had any?
Gingrich: (To the tune of “If I only had a brain.”)
I must feed my overworked libido
That’s always been my Credo
I drive a Mercedes Benz
And My Haircuts they cost Plenty
So it’s really elementary
I have no need for any friends.
I’ve taken large retainers
Hidden in milk containers
Their pockets, I will cleanse
I am clearly narcissistic
So let’s not be unrealistic
I will never make amends
Oh, I wear silken ties
And Thousand dollar suits
With the NRA I am in cahoots
A gun is safe, unless it shoots
I am just a bottom dweller
Can not accept a failure
I take any large stipends
So it’s ethics I avoid
I’ll never help the unemployed
Or those who need to wear depends.
Dorothy Gale: My next question is for Mr. Romney. Mr. Romney, you’ve been accused of changing your position depending upon the audience that you are appearing before. In fact, there are those that believe that you were born without credibility, Tell me Mr. Romney, do you want credibility?
Romney: (To the Tune of “If I only had a Heart.”)
When a Politician’s less than Credible,
Often his words are just inedible
That’s why I cannot be believed.
Just because the nomination is looming
and my ratings aren’t booming
lack of credibility is perceived.
I’m not honest, I’m not candid, and often underhanded
with those who’ve been deceived
I’d deport all Mexicanis, Canadians, Cubanis
self deportation, I’ve conceived
I’ll have fun, on air Force One
above is my dog upon the roof
it’s so quiet you can barely, hear a woof
Cause I’ve made it sound proof
Barak, I beat...how sweet
Just to drill off in the ocean, condemn Newton’s law of motion
You all have been deceived
I could buy the little dipper, kill off dolphins, but not flipper
when my coronation is received.
Dorothy Gale: My final question is for Mr. Santorum. It has been said that you would’ve made a great President, in the thirteenth century. What can you say to those that say you are behind the times.
Santorum: (To the tune of, “If I only had the nerve.”)
There are those of us who know Katrina
was God’s way of punishing men misusing their own Weiner
now I know they will observe
so listen all you sinners
don’t be losers be all winners
sleep with Sally and not Irv.
You have tried all other ruses
With no plausible excuses
Said the Lord you don’t observe.
So let’s avoid another annoyance
Just listen to my clairvoyance
Do not dress with your flamboyance
Or you’ll get what you deserve.
Dorothy Gale: Thank you candidates. This has been enlightening.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Wouldn't Mitt be Loverly
Last Night after the result of the Nevada caucus became official, Mitt Romney decided to sing his victory speech. The name of the song is "Wouldn't Mitt be Loverly?"
All I am is a Billionaire.
Who will repeal Obama care
With all my perfect hair
Aow, wouldn't Mitt be loverly?
Lots of friends working on Wall Street,
Only seen with the true elite.
Another Newt defeat
Aow, wouldn't Mitt be loverly?
Aow, so loverly eliminating social programs like goodwill
We can filibuster 'till the right wing
Takes over on the Hill.
Newt soon will be history,
He will have to concede to me,
I’ll be the Nominee.
Aow, wouldn't Mitt be loverly?
Loverly, loverly, loverly, loverly
All I am is a Billionaire.
Who will repeal Obama care
With all my perfect hair
Aow, wouldn't Mitt be loverly?
Lots of friends working on Wall Street,
Only seen with the true elite.
Another Newt defeat
Aow, wouldn't Mitt be loverly?
Aow, so loverly eliminating social programs like goodwill
We can filibuster 'till the right wing
Takes over on the Hill.
Newt soon will be history,
He will have to concede to me,
I’ll be the Nominee.
Aow, wouldn't Mitt be loverly?
Loverly, loverly, loverly, loverly
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Five Candidates in Search of an exit
A Fundamentalist, A Philanderer, A Hypocrite, A Bigot and A Homophobic- a collection of Modern Republicans. Five improbable entities in a debate. No logic, no reason, no explanation; just a prolonged nightmare, in which fear, lies and the unexplainable walk hand in hand through the shadows. In a moment we’ll start collecting clues as to the whys, the whats and the wheres. We will not end this nightmare, we’ll only explain it - because this is the Twilight Zone.
A rich Hypocrite wakes up to find himself trapped on a podium, where he meets a self-righteous Philander, a Libertarian Bigot, Ignorant Fundamentalist, and an Angry Homophobic. None of them has any memory of who they are or how they became trapped. The Hypocrite, being the newest arrival, is the most determined to escape. He is told there is no way out except by winning, which is he knows that he can’t do honestly. The Hypocrite's questioning reveals that the characters have no need for truth or facts and indeed care for nothing in general, except for money.
The characters question where, what and who they are. The Fundamentalist informs the Hypocrite, "We are in the darkness; nameless things with no memory – no knowledge of what went before, no understanding of what is now, no knowledge of what will be." Guesses are made about the nature of where they have been placed: the Fundamentalist speculates that they are on another planet or a spaceship; the Philanderer believes they are in a dream; the Homophobic they are dead, the Bigot that they are all insane and in limbo, while the Hypocrite believes that they are in Hell.
Eventually, the Hypocrite suggests a plan to escape: he will renounce his own successful programs, saying that he never was in favor of them to begin with. The plan almost works. Now even more determined, the Hypocrite speaks with fake empathy for those who have less than he has. As he turns to survey the area surrounding the podium, he tumbles to the ground as the sole survivor of these five unique characters. The other characters talk about him, and the Philanderer says that he may be right, and they may be in Hell.
The scene cuts to a little girl picking up a doll from the snow, a doll in the dress of the rich Hypocrite. A kindly woman tells her, "Put it back in the barrel with the rest of them." It is revealed that the podium is a Christmas toy collection bin for a girls' orphanage and that all five characters are nothing more than dolls. The loud noise was the shaking of a handheld bell which the woman used to attract donations.
The final shot is of the five characters, now seen as dolls with painted faces and glass eyes.
Just a toy, stored in a dark box, where are kept the counterfeit, make believe pieces of plastic and cloth, wrought in the distorted image of human life. But this added hopeful note, perhaps they are only seeking this exalted office for the moment. And the innocence, of the children in the orphanage, will change the Hypocrite, Philander, Fundamentalist, Bigot and Homophobic, tonight’s cast of odd characters, on tonight’s stage, known as the Twilight Zone.
A rich Hypocrite wakes up to find himself trapped on a podium, where he meets a self-righteous Philander, a Libertarian Bigot, Ignorant Fundamentalist, and an Angry Homophobic. None of them has any memory of who they are or how they became trapped. The Hypocrite, being the newest arrival, is the most determined to escape. He is told there is no way out except by winning, which is he knows that he can’t do honestly. The Hypocrite's questioning reveals that the characters have no need for truth or facts and indeed care for nothing in general, except for money.
The characters question where, what and who they are. The Fundamentalist informs the Hypocrite, "We are in the darkness; nameless things with no memory – no knowledge of what went before, no understanding of what is now, no knowledge of what will be." Guesses are made about the nature of where they have been placed: the Fundamentalist speculates that they are on another planet or a spaceship; the Philanderer believes they are in a dream; the Homophobic they are dead, the Bigot that they are all insane and in limbo, while the Hypocrite believes that they are in Hell.
Eventually, the Hypocrite suggests a plan to escape: he will renounce his own successful programs, saying that he never was in favor of them to begin with. The plan almost works. Now even more determined, the Hypocrite speaks with fake empathy for those who have less than he has. As he turns to survey the area surrounding the podium, he tumbles to the ground as the sole survivor of these five unique characters. The other characters talk about him, and the Philanderer says that he may be right, and they may be in Hell.
The scene cuts to a little girl picking up a doll from the snow, a doll in the dress of the rich Hypocrite. A kindly woman tells her, "Put it back in the barrel with the rest of them." It is revealed that the podium is a Christmas toy collection bin for a girls' orphanage and that all five characters are nothing more than dolls. The loud noise was the shaking of a handheld bell which the woman used to attract donations.
The final shot is of the five characters, now seen as dolls with painted faces and glass eyes.
Just a toy, stored in a dark box, where are kept the counterfeit, make believe pieces of plastic and cloth, wrought in the distorted image of human life. But this added hopeful note, perhaps they are only seeking this exalted office for the moment. And the innocence, of the children in the orphanage, will change the Hypocrite, Philander, Fundamentalist, Bigot and Homophobic, tonight’s cast of odd characters, on tonight’s stage, known as the Twilight Zone.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
I love the writings of Rod Serling. Therefore, based on the Twilight Zone Episode "Back There," my version of what occurs when three dead friends relive and undo their actions in the Twilight Zone.
Witness a theoretical argument, three intelligent men talking about an improbable thing like going back in time. Although all three of the men are now dead, this discussion does not take place in a dimension known to the living. A friendly debate revolving around a simple issue: Could a human being change what has happened before? Interesting and theoretical, because who ever heard of a man going back in time, before tonight, that is. Because this is the Twilight Zone.
On January 1, 2008, H.R. Halderman, John Erlichman and John Mitchell are meeting in another dimension. These three men were largely responsible for the Watergate scandal. They wonder what would have happened had they had never tried to manipulate the election. In this dimension one needn’t speculate, one can actually relive the past and see what effects their actions had.
All three were convicted and spent time in prison, They go back to the election of 1972. The Democratic candidate is not George McGovern, but Edmond Muskie, his running mate Eugene McCarthy. Muskie defeats Nixon in a close election.
The major difference in the Nixon and Muskie administrations is the environment. Muskie serves two terms, soundly defeating Nelson Rockefeller in the 1976 election. Muskie an early environmentalist, in his second term, works with first term Congressman, Albert Gore, who believes that man has harmed the environment so much that within a few years the temperatures on Earth will start to increase, causing among other thing, the extinction of some species. Muskie pushes through the Congress major environmental legislation. Gore would run and become President in 1988.
Erlichman wonders what happened to other figures in history. It seems that Jimmy Carter after being the Georgia Governor, returns to peanut farming. Ronald Reagan having failed to garner any support goes back to acting. He is nominated for an Academy Award for his role in the Sunshine Boys. George H.W. Bush, retires to Kennebunkport, Maine. There he spends a good deal of his family fortune on Alcohol rehabilitation for his son George W. Bush. Bill Clinton serves two terms as a senator from Arkansas. His wife divorces him amidst rumors of an affair with a young congressional intern.
The country never goes to war in the Middle East. The Berlin Wall still comes down and the USSR still collapses.
The three Ghosts return from a place 'back there,' a journey that made them anguish about the history they had created. They realize that the threads of history are woven tightly and the skein of events cannot be undone, but on the other hand, if there are small fragments of tapestry that can be altered. Tonight's thesis to be taken as you will, in the Twilight Zone.
Witness a theoretical argument, three intelligent men talking about an improbable thing like going back in time. Although all three of the men are now dead, this discussion does not take place in a dimension known to the living. A friendly debate revolving around a simple issue: Could a human being change what has happened before? Interesting and theoretical, because who ever heard of a man going back in time, before tonight, that is. Because this is the Twilight Zone.
On January 1, 2008, H.R. Halderman, John Erlichman and John Mitchell are meeting in another dimension. These three men were largely responsible for the Watergate scandal. They wonder what would have happened had they had never tried to manipulate the election. In this dimension one needn’t speculate, one can actually relive the past and see what effects their actions had.
All three were convicted and spent time in prison, They go back to the election of 1972. The Democratic candidate is not George McGovern, but Edmond Muskie, his running mate Eugene McCarthy. Muskie defeats Nixon in a close election.
The major difference in the Nixon and Muskie administrations is the environment. Muskie serves two terms, soundly defeating Nelson Rockefeller in the 1976 election. Muskie an early environmentalist, in his second term, works with first term Congressman, Albert Gore, who believes that man has harmed the environment so much that within a few years the temperatures on Earth will start to increase, causing among other thing, the extinction of some species. Muskie pushes through the Congress major environmental legislation. Gore would run and become President in 1988.
Erlichman wonders what happened to other figures in history. It seems that Jimmy Carter after being the Georgia Governor, returns to peanut farming. Ronald Reagan having failed to garner any support goes back to acting. He is nominated for an Academy Award for his role in the Sunshine Boys. George H.W. Bush, retires to Kennebunkport, Maine. There he spends a good deal of his family fortune on Alcohol rehabilitation for his son George W. Bush. Bill Clinton serves two terms as a senator from Arkansas. His wife divorces him amidst rumors of an affair with a young congressional intern.
The country never goes to war in the Middle East. The Berlin Wall still comes down and the USSR still collapses.
The three Ghosts return from a place 'back there,' a journey that made them anguish about the history they had created. They realize that the threads of history are woven tightly and the skein of events cannot be undone, but on the other hand, if there are small fragments of tapestry that can be altered. Tonight's thesis to be taken as you will, in the Twilight Zone.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
The Modern GOP
They're stupid and self serving,
Buffoons and quite disturbing
They really are unnerving
The Modern GOP.
Their beliefs are quite archaic
Their plans almost mosaic
They really are prosaic
The Modern GOP
(Neat)
(Sweet)
(Petite)
So get a hat made of tin foil
A man must date a goil
they’ll drill where they find soil
The Modern GOP
Buffoons and quite disturbing
They really are unnerving
The Modern GOP.
Their beliefs are quite archaic
Their plans almost mosaic
They really are prosaic
The Modern GOP
(Neat)
(Sweet)
(Petite)
So get a hat made of tin foil
A man must date a goil
they’ll drill where they find soil
The Modern GOP
GOP Island
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
of a party of the “Blue chip”
The facts they often do contort
While workers get Pink slip.
Newt was a mighty Republican,
Michelle was quite demure.
Five other’s said Election day
Till then we can endure, we can endure.
Romney started getting tough,
Perry seemed so lost
If not for the courage of the Fox News crew
They couldn’t meet ths cost, they couldn’t meet the cost.
They all spent months in a tiny state of just a few squares
With Santoram
Bachman too,
Mitt Romney and Ron Paul,
New Gingrich
Rick Perry and Herman Cain,
Here they can debate your life styles
of a party of the “Blue chip”
The facts they often do contort
While workers get Pink slip.
Newt was a mighty Republican,
Michelle was quite demure.
Five other’s said Election day
Till then we can endure, we can endure.
Romney started getting tough,
Perry seemed so lost
If not for the courage of the Fox News crew
They couldn’t meet ths cost, they couldn’t meet the cost.
They all spent months in a tiny state of just a few squares
With Santoram
Bachman too,
Mitt Romney and Ron Paul,
New Gingrich
Rick Perry and Herman Cain,
Here they can debate your life styles
The Republican Hillbillies
Come and listen to a story about a man named Mitt
A poor governor who barely gave a shit,
Then one day he was straddling a fence,
Then to him his health care bill no longer made sense.
Insurance that is
For Young and old
Will cease to be.
Well the Mitt’s friend Newt’s a millionaire,
Kinfolk said "Newt your wife has got own health scare,”
Said "Leave her now for one who’s healthy as can be"
So he left for a newer one, and thought he acted cleverly.
Family values, that is
Heterosexual
Three wives.
Well now soon we’ll say good bye to Mitt and Newt agin.
Michelle and them would like to thank you folks fer not living in sin.
You're all invited back again for Fox morality
As long as you never practice homosexuality
Republican they is. No stem cell. Turn the News off
Y'all come back now, y'hear?
A poor governor who barely gave a shit,
Then one day he was straddling a fence,
Then to him his health care bill no longer made sense.
Insurance that is
For Young and old
Will cease to be.
Well the Mitt’s friend Newt’s a millionaire,
Kinfolk said "Newt your wife has got own health scare,”
Said "Leave her now for one who’s healthy as can be"
So he left for a newer one, and thought he acted cleverly.
Family values, that is
Heterosexual
Three wives.
Well now soon we’ll say good bye to Mitt and Newt agin.
Michelle and them would like to thank you folks fer not living in sin.
You're all invited back again for Fox morality
As long as you never practice homosexuality
Republican they is. No stem cell. Turn the News off
Y'all come back now, y'hear?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)