The Battles of Greenwich and Bayonne

The suggestion was made , to me, yesterday that in order to settle the issue of gun control, that citizens of those states that want such legislation stay out of states that disapprove and vice versa. This could result in conflict between the States

It wasn't over guns, but Soda, when The Battles of Greewich and Bayonne occured.

New York Times July 23, 2012
 With the announcement last week that Governor Cuomo was set to extent Mayor Blumberg’s ban on the sale of large sodas, an unlikely conflict has broken out between the States of New York, Connecticut and New Jersey when Connecticut Resident Pierce Wainright III objected to the law, “Not that I care about ‘Big Gulps’ but what next are they going to take away our Lattes?” Wainright asked.
Fights broke out in the boarder community of Rye, New York and Cos Cob, Connecticut. Both the New York State and Connecticut national guards were called in to quell the disruption. Thus begun the battle of Greenwich.

The Connecticut National Guard were dressed in the traditional Izod Shirt, with the Yellow and Green Sweater draped around the neck and penny loafers without socks of course. The New York National Guard were in their Air Jordan sneakers, pants raised to the middle of their rear end with the boxer shorts sticking out and Che Guevara T-shirts.

Talks were progressing smoothly until Senator Joseph Lieberman of Connecticut announced that he was throwing his support behind the New York contingent. This satisfied the group from Connecticut, but caused the group from New York to react violently. Many hot dogs and mocha lattes were sacrificed in battle.

The initial volley in this battle of words was started when a New York hurled the traditional battle cries of “Up Yours,” and “Your Mother!” The attack caught Connecticut totally unprepared, who are now awaiting reinforcements from the Yale and Wesleyan debate teams.
When tempers seemed to be cooling another battle began Southwest of Greenwich, when Bayonne resident, who wanted to remain anonymous, because he couldn’t spell his name, dressed in his traditional Speedo Bathing suit and Mesh T-shirt began lobbing Salty Pretzels and Fried dough into Staten Island. In a written statement he said, “Who, da (sic) (expletive deleted) dos (sic) dat (sic) (expletive deleted) mayor tink (sic) dat (sic) he is. Dis (sic) is (expletive deleted) Amerika (sic), and we’s free to eat any (expletive deleted) we’s want to.

Following that statement, Wainright offered the following statement in limited support of New Jersey's position, " Although I agree in principle with the 'gentleman' from New Jersey, I am appaled that he ended his sentence in a preposition."

Not since the civil war has there been such ugliness between the states.

MASSAPEQUA DREAMIN'

All the costs are down
at the mall today
She dragged me to go shop
on this holiday

I'd be safe and warm
if this were a workday
Massapequa Dreamin'
on such a discount day

stopped in a shoe store
Near the Internet café                    
while, I went to save the world
on my blog today.

you know I left her uncontrolled
with my credit card today
Massapequa Dreamin'
on such a discount day

Now I’m overdrawn
how am I to pay
But she has six pairs of new shoes,
to show the girls this day

wish I didn’t leave her
in the store today
Massapequa Dreamin'
on such a discount day

All My Laundry

Kids will or have come home from school. With them they will be bringing a gift for their mothers.. To the tune of "All My Loving."

You are home, son I missed you
You brought your wash with you; 
Remember don’t put the white with the blue.
And while you were away, 
you wore the same socks ev'ry day, 
And now you’ve brought all your laundry home too.

I'll pretend that I'm rinsing 
The socks that you’re missing
These Pants smell like a baby Gnu.
And while you were away,
did you wash even one day
Or expect me to laundry for you?

All your laundry I will do for you.
All your laundry, darling was that blue?

Old Country Road

if John Denver had lived on Long Island:

Almost shopping, Mineola
Jericho Turnpike
Wantagh Parkway -
You can eat there
Start with some Chinese
Moo Goo Gai Pan
It’ll make you sneeze

Old Country Road, take me home
To the mall where I belong
Mineola, shoperama
Take me home, Old Country Road

There are clothes for, my youngest daughter
Polyester, wash them in cold water
Jeans and dresses, painted on her thigh
At the food court we’ll dine
indigestion from french fries

Old Country Road, take me home
To the mall where I belong
Mineola, shoperama
Take me home, Old Country Road

I hear his voice
In the end month he tells me
Honey, you have overdrawn, and we’ve got no money left to pay
And drivin' to the mall I start a callin'
for additional credit cards today, yes today

Old Country Road, take me home
To the mall where I belong
Mineola, shoperama
Take me home, Old Country Road

Old Country Road, take me home
To the mall where I belong
Mineola, shoperama
Take me home, Old Country Road
Take me home, now Old Country Road
Take me home, now Old Country Road

The Shady Bunch

Here's the story of a right wing party
That was telling some very nasty tales
They were all about Barack Obama
And how his white house fails

Heres the story of Willard Romney
Who folks knew as Mitt
He opposed men who lived together
But he was full of shit

Till the one day when this party picked Mitt Romney
And they new that he was clearly out to lunch
But they knew what was good for your family
That's the way they became the Shady Bunch

Occupying Sesame Street

Upon the Street, that seemed so sweet
The climate was changing attitudes were rearranging.
When the muppets, all non indiscrete, decided to occupy Sesame Street.
It started with Cookie Monster, who when smacking his lips
started his morning counting his chips.
He let out a roar after counting the stacks
4 out of 100 taken for the Sesame Street Tax.
He contacted Grover,
said, “Hey come on over.
My head I am scratching
with this plan I am hatching.
I won’t be a Stooge
The Cookie Tax is huge.
Please bring me a treat
for we will occupy of Sesame Street
So Grover came over
and brought some more friends
Bert and Ernie arrived in a Mercedes Benz
Big Bird stood outside
Of the Monster’s abode
For fear he’d collide
With the Monster’s commode.
And sitting by himself, alone on the couch
atop the plastic slipcovers, was Oscar the Grouch
Then suddenly arriving was Gladys the Cow
she arrived with a couple, denied their wedding vow .
For in walked Miss Piggy, all quite agog
for she was escorted by Kermit the Frog.
It appears that a law, which was carefully hidden
made marriage between a toad and a sow forever forbidden.
So each had their protest, each had their sign.
“Repeal the Cookie Tax.” “Let Frogs marry swine.”
But the ruler then spoke, but first finished his last cookie
“Three times I’ve been married, and often had nookie.
So that’s the way it should be,
that’s the way it’s been done
Blonde women all three,
I won’t get another, ‘til I tire of one.’
So the protest was over,
Jail time for muppets
for the leader would only accept
his own hand puppets.

The Sounds of Rhyming.

Today in Celebration of Dr. Seuss Birthday, the Seuss Estate released a rare collaboration of Dr. Seuss with an iconic duo. Here is the Sounds of Rhyming, by Simon, Garfunkel and Seuss:

Hello my friend Sam-I-Am 
Do you want Green Eggs and Ham?
I can make them in the pan for you
A slice of bacon and some liver too 
And the breakfast that is causing you such pain
Still remains 
Within the sounds of rhyming 

In restless dreams of cats in hats
Narrow men in ankle spats 
Near where Horton Found a Who 
One Fish, Two Fish, One Red One Blue 
When I said Green Eggs, I would not take a bite
He said I might 
Within the sounds that rhyming 

And then the Elephant he saw 
Ten thousand Who there, maybe more 
Who were talking without rhyming
Horton heard them without listening 
Turtles mountains for Yertle to use for a chair
High in the air 
Disturb the sound of rhyming 

"Sam-I-Am, I do not know 
How a mound of Turtles grow 
Hear my rhymes that I might get through 
From Mulberry Street where I made my debut”
But my words, had messages as well 
And echoed 
In the words a rhyming 

And the Egg the lazy Mayzie laid
On top of which the Elephant stayed
And the books spoke out with their meaning
In the words and the drawings 
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are forever in a children’s mind
no thoughts confined”
And whispered in the sounds of rhyming